Harold and Maude

"Harold and Maude" follows a young man named Harold who is infatuated with the idea of pretending that he's committed suicide. The film begins with his mother coming home to find Harold hanging himself. The audience is initially shocked by her apparent disregard and neglect until we realize that this is simply a game that Harold plays on a regular basis and by now his mother is not only used to it, she's bored with it.
This is a film that uses Harold's obsession with death as part of its dark humor.

In contrast to Harold, Maude, an elderly woman, with whom he is in love, is obsessed with life. Despite her age, Maude wants to live life to the fullest. Every day is a new adventure, whether its stealing a car, playing pranks on military officials, or talking herself out of getting arrested, Maude lives her life with gusto. In fact, it seems as though she is more of a teenager, with respect to her outlook on life, than Harold. This too is a part of the film's ironic humor.

Harold's wealthy mother is in some ways the "normal one" but in fact she doesn't know what to make of either Harold or Maude. She is preoccupied with trying to get Harold to become a normal kid which she attempts to do by getting him into military school or getting him a girlfriend. None of this works, and Harold's obsession with death appears to be a reaction to his mothers desire to make him "normal."

Harold's obsession with death is in some ways a repulsion towards his mother's pressure, but through his relationship with Maude, he discovers a love of life for the first time.

Culminating Project

For this culminating project, I decided to speak with people my age to find out what they thought about death and the afterlife. I imagined that unless they had had to deal with death before, that they might be very confused about it. I was confused about what happens after a person dies until I experienced my mother’s death and was forced to really think through what I believed happened when a person died. I know that our religious beliefs have a big impact on how we think about death, and so do our fears. The idea of being gone forever is probably disturbing to many people and thus I wanted to see what some of my friends thought about it.  

(UPLOADING PROBLEMS WITH VIDEO)

For each of the people I interviewed, there seems to be a hope of an afterlife. There is no certainty expressed but each of the people I interviewed seemed to want to believe that they could either be reincarnated or that they would go to someplace good after they died. In the opening “scene,” its clear that Emma is the most troubled by the conversation. She starts out by saying that she doesn’t like the topic because its depressing and then interjects throughout the conversation. When Callie began with saying that she didn’t believe anything happened after death, Emma seemed somewhat offended, and thought of it as depressing. Even though the others were willing to talk about it, its clear that the topic of death is disturbing. It may have also been that we were at a party, and they just wanted to have fun, but I think there’s an underlying display of discomfort that comes from speaking of death.

Its interesting that almost everybody that I interviewed said that they believed in reincarnation because this notion comes from Hinduism and I don’t think that any of my friends are Hindu or that they have religious beliefs that support this idea. I think the reason why reincarnation appeals to them is because they don’t want to see death as permanent and they’re hoping, somehow, that life might continue in a different form. None of them expressed this belief with certainty that might come from religion or some other doctrine. Undoubtedly, it is their fear of the unknown that leads them to hope that there will be reincarnation.  

SOF Prom 2011

Even in a place like School of the Future, which is not a typical school in many ways, it still followed the traditions that most American schools adhere to related to the prom. There we were in our rented tux’s and gowns, all of which cost a lot of money for only one night of partying. It makes no sense when you think about it given that many of the students really don’t have the money to afford the tickets or the clothes, but the pressure to be part of the prom is strong.

This serves as another reminder of how and why certain traditions continue in our society. Even when there’s no rational justification for participating in such an expensive activity, most people find ways to do so. This is a reflection of how and why societies maintain a high degree of continuity across generations. It was funny when I talked to my father about his prom, how similar it was to mine. Even though he went to his prom over 30 years ago, all of the major ingredients- the tuxedoes, the dresses, the limousines, and the alcohol were all very similar. I wonder if this would be true for the next generations as well, or if at some point in the future, some group is going to end the tradition. 

Overall, I had a great time at prom. I wasn’t expecting to have so much fun, which was why it was great. No, it was not transformative and magical. For me, it was just another party; a dressier, more expensive one, but I’m glad that I went anyway.

Initial Thoughts on Prom

I don’t think I’ve ever thought much of prom.  I remember being younger, looking at photos of my brother and sister, and admiring how great they looked, but thinking that it was all really corny. Photos of couples- female in front of male, cheesing through each shot. When I thought of prom, I thought of the photos in my elder brother and sister’s yearbook and wallets. As I grew older, I thought less and less of it- but I guess that’s a fad/tradition as well. To hate on prom, but attend anyway. I never imagined a guy picking me up from home in a limousine, with me in 6-inch heels that I couldn’t walk in, and a dress that would never be worn again. And maybe because I never had high expectations, I don’t think I’ll be disappointed with my prom. The one aspect of prom that I was particularly nervous about was finding a date. I could have easily asked somebody outside of school- but that would require me to spend $300 dollars on prom ($150 per person) and there was no way I was doing that. Since I had been pretty absent from this senior pride that most SOF kids started feeling in the beginning of the year, and since I had been absent in almost everything, I had no idea who I could go to prom with. I also didn’t imagine anyone asking me since I hardly interacted with anyone. But I was pleased with the way I found a date. I sat outside the school with a couple other seniors, complaining that I was going to have to pay $300 bucks to take someone outside of school. Javon stood next to me and shared the complaint. There was an awkward silence, and we both made it clear that it would be all right to go with each other. Since we were huddled with other dramatic seniors, they made him ask me “the way he was supposed to,” although that had already been implied. So he asked, and I agreed. No sweat! Well, for me.   

hw 54

 Although I was not really raised a Christian, both of my parents were. When my mother died, a Catholic priest performed the funeral. For this reason, I sought to learn more about the Christian beliefs toward death and life after death. I had a vague sense that Christians believe in heaven and hell; the good go to heaven and the bad go to hell. This never made too much sense to me because it sounds more like a story made up by people to get you to be "good" while your on earth. Still, I thought it would be good to learn how someone who was an official within a Christian church approached the topic of death.

Two classmates and I interviewed Reverend Linda at the Episcopal church on 12 st and Broadway. Before entering the room, Eloise, Nina and I jotted down some questions to ask her. When we sat in the room, she gave us a really friendly vibe and made sure to remember our names. "This might be a little broad or too general, but what are your beliefs on the care of the dead?" I asked her. She turned her head and answered, "We believe that the body is sacred, and that the dead are sacred. Everybody is equally sacred in front of god. Whether your a terrorist or a president, a policeman or a thief, you deserve respect." We then asked her if she believed in an after life. "Its funny you ask- this is the season of Easter! We believe in resurrection and we believe that Jesus arose from death- not like Casper the ghost necessarily, but reappeared through shut doors from disciples. Whether those were physical or spiritual doors, i don't know. I do know that once your dead, there is a different kind of existence that's not explainable in our words. And that the same thing will happen to everyone." We took a moment to finish off our notes, then Eloise intervened, "So, do you believe in heaven?" She asked. "People spend a lot of time thinking and talking about heaven. But Jesus doesn't talk about a whole other universe. He spoke about a kingdom on earth as it is in heaven."

I then looked up and asked her what her role was like in these funerals. "I work with families who have lost someone. I lead the funerals and prepare them for the families. I choose the songs, scriptures and so on. Each funeral experience has been different. I just led a funeral for a baby this small-" She motioned with her hands and squeezed them together to show us how small. "My gift to these families is to not crumple down but to offer them words that they can hold on to."

Eloise asked her if she believed in hell. "Even though they mention the word hell, they never actually say someone will go. I think that's because history is filled with wicked people, hell functions as a place to serve for justice and you can't have a society function without justice. I think that eventually, god will take care of it." 

When we asked how she prefers to see the dead cared for, she said that they were open to anything and that cremation was okay. She did, however, say that she felt it was easier for the families to grieve when there was a body in the room.

HW 53

Cyber Space When Your Dead By Rob Walker

We've already found ways to make arrangements with our personal belongings for after we die, but what about the stuff we've left behind on the internet?  We are no longer keeping diaries or photo albums but instead we have blogger and flickr accounts. But how has this online life affected the way we mourn for those who have died? Mac Tonnies, a consistent blogger, recently died and left behind all of his online paraphernalia. He didn't have that many friends or a very actively engaged life outside the internet, but attracted many people similar to him through the internet and found ways to construct a meaning through there. They all mourned for him once he died, and may even have been more impacted by his death than the people he knew and met through regular every day life.


Dance, Laugh, Drink. Save the Date: It's a Ghanaian Funeral. By Sam Dolnick

In the United States, a traditional funeral often involves wearing black, listening to soft and sad music, having a priest, crying, so on. In Ghana, funerals have been known to celebrate the dead person's life rather than to mourn their death. Because of this idea, an average American might mistake a Ghanaian funeral for a wedding or another festive party. These funerals are a great way to meet other people, a great way to continue the social life. With the recent surge of Ghanaian immigrants in New York, these funerals have become more popularized- or at least noticed, by Americans- and we are surprised as to how they handle this death gathering. Ghanaian funerals are often very festive and sometimes competitive.

The two articles that I chose didn't have much in common with the exception of the overall theme of after death practices. One showed how using the internet to reveal a good portion of a person"s life  can allow the person to be mourned through the internet after death. It's almost like second life, except it involves a second cyber death.  The article on Ghanaian funerals showed how other traditions handle death as compared to our Western traditions. Unlike most Americans, Ghanians see death as a time to celebrate a person's life and much partying takes place.  I also watched a short clip called "Dancing with the Dead," previewing a ritual practiced in Madagascar. It shows how they unearth the dead every seven years to celebrate with them- reminding youth and elders of their ancestors and other important figures in their lives. It brings about a sense of happiness and before returning the skeletons to the earth, they rewrap them. I found this amazing because I reflected on how we renew our traditional funeral practices- by placing flowers at the grave site. It just seems kind of meaningless to me.

I decided to interview this director of the Walter B. Cooke funeral home, Mary Schmidt.
My step mom had already been in contact with her due to my little brothers death. When I called, she had little time on her hands and cut me off short. "When a person is cremated, how do we know it's their remains that come back to us?" I asked her. "We are a very professional funeral service. we only work with licenced crematoria. We are very careful to make sure that the ashes that return to us belong to the right person." I then asked her how people typically deal with the ashes from a cremation, and she responded by saying, "In most cases, the family places the ashes in an urn. In some cases, the ashes are placed in a pot either separately or with other family members. Some people chose to have the ashes buried with a tree or some other plant. The problem with this approach is that sometimes the land where the ashes is sold and the family will lose its connection to the plot." "how did you get into this business?" I asked. "This was originally a family business owned by the Cooke's. My father then purchased the business. He was the director of a small funeral business many years ago. We started the business in a small town in pennsylvania and moved to new york in the 1930's. We've been in this location ever since." The last question I asked her before we got off the phone was, "Do you find your work rewarding?" I heard a chuckle on the other end of the line, "I do! I enjoy helping families find closure after they've lost someone they loved."

"stiff" parte uma

Anatomists hired people to remove bodies from the graves in order to study human anatomy. This type of work was seen by some as immoral and dishonorable because of popular religious beliefs related to the handling of the dead. Anatomists were dedicated to their work because they understood that it was the only real way to study the human body. Today, doctors and medical students who are studying the human body deal with death by objectifying cadavers in order to avoid any emotional connection to their work. Hours after a person has died, its body begins to decompose. How a body decays depends on many different factors such as the environment, type of burial, the weather and much more. The scent of a corpse is often disturbing and overwhelming. To make the work less uncomfortable, doctors who work with cadavers use euphemisms and try to see the value and even the beauty in the work they are doing. Maggots, bacteria and beetles cover the body and you can hear them from two feet away. Embalming is used to provide the dead with some dignity by making them appear peaceful and presentable. Cadavers have been used for a variety of medical and technological purposes. For example, cadavers are extremely important to creating a safe, death-proof car. They’ve been used because they don’t feel pain and in crash tests, they want to see how the body can be damaged in a car crash. In the past, pigs were used because their organs are similar to a human’s. However, because they are not human’s, using cadavers is preferable.

"My mom was never a cadaver; no person ever is. You are a person and then you cease to be a person, and a cadaver takes your place." (12)

"For those who must deal with human corpses regularly, it is easier (and, I suppose, more accurate) to think of them as objects, not people." (21)

"There is a passage in the Buddhist Sutra on Mindfulness called the Nine Cemetery Contemplations. Apprentice monks are instructed to meditate on a series of decomposing bodies in the charnel ground, starting with a body 'swollen and blue and festering,' progressing to one 'being eaten by ... different kinds of worms,' and moving on to a skeleton, 'without flesh and blood, held together by the tendons.' The monks were told to keep meditating until they were calm and a smile appeared on their faces."(69)

"I find the dead easier to be around than the dying. They are not in pain, not afraid of death. There are no awkward silences and conversations that dance around the obvious. They aren't scary. The half hour I spent with my mother as a dead person was easier by far than the many hours I spent with her as a live person dying and in pain." (98)

"The anonymity of body parts facilitates the necessary dissociations of cadaveric research: This is not a person. This is just tissue. It has no feelings, and no one has feelings for it. It's okay to do things to it which, were it a sentient being, would constitute torture." (105)

I've had a difficult time reading "Stiff," mostly because the images that come to mind through its descriptive language have made me feel uncomfortable. Having imagined my mother in these stages of decay, I hit a wall with this book and refused to keep going. A couple of days ago, I decided that I had no choice but to finish and so I forced myself to read the book. One thing that struck me was how important it is for doctors to objectify the people that they work on (dead or alive) otherwise, they would be too emotionally engaged to carry out their work.This reminded me of the pregnancy and birth unit where healthworker's, doctors and midwives are required to perform highly complicated medical procedures without becoming too emotionally attached, otherwise, they may not be able to carry out their jobs effectively. While I understand the need for this emotional detachment, I still believe that doctors who work on cadavers must always remember that they are working with human remains and treat those remains with a sense of dignity and respect.

peer perspectives on care of the dead

Recently, I've interviewed a few friends about their perspectives on care of the dead. I think that I could have pushed myself more to think of more questions but I figured that if I had several respondents who gave longer answers, than that could create some sort of balance. 

Background on the Respondents: Emma is one of my closest friends who is a junior at the Beacon high school, and star of her basketball team (in my opinion). Angel was a close friend of mine in middle school who has reached out to me a lot recently and Izzy is a student at Brooklyn College who I've worked with on various social justice projects. 


I began by asking each of my of my interviewees: "What are some images that come to mind when you think about how our bodies are dealt with after death?" 


Emma looked down and responded moments later: "I either think of ashes or a persons body disintegrated. I think of the way people put make-up on the dead person to make them look alive even though their not, which to me is creepy." 


In my opinion, Angel and Izzy responded similarly- i found both responses made me feel somewhat raw: "Dimmed rooms, slicing machines, maggots on our bodies, preservation" Angel listed. Izzy responded by saying, "Jars of brains, morgues, preservatives, that scene in v for vendetta where all the dead bodies are on top of one another being burried to hide the evidence. Everything either very medicalized or very primitive. Thats all."

I got the sense from their responses that maybe they haven't experienced death from a close relative because they hadn't seemed too connected with their answers. And although they might not have had close experiences with death, I could tell that both were more realistic.

I then asked them, "How would you like your body cared for after you die?" 

Emma and Izzy both said they wanted to be cremated. Emma didn't take long to respond, "The idea of being in a coffin makes me feel claustrophobic. Its like being in a cage for eternity." She looked up at me and then looked out, toward the window. "I feel like my spirit wouldn't be able to travel different places." She then added that she can't imagine being buried alive and shook her head at the thought of it. Her father said that being cremated alive doesn't sound like a better option. 

Izzy responded by saying, "I would like to be cremated because I don't like the idea of the cascet and tombstone taking up room in the earth."

Angel said that he would like to be buried. When I asked him why, he responded by saying: "I'd like to be buried in the earth because its comforting for me. I'd feel like I'm a part of nature, and for me it shows a respect for nature." I then asked him if he were religious and he responded by saying yes. "I'm christian. It's really affected the way I've seen it because I've lived for a purpose and I'd really like to show my respect by being buried. Its an appreciation for what my faith has given me." Angel and I ended our conversation there.

Their responses about how they wanted their bodies to be dealt with after death varied. I couldn't detect a clear pattern, at least not from the three people I spoke to. What I did notice was how confident each of them were in their answers- they knew exactly what they wanted, without questioning it.

My final question was as follows, "How do you feel about your family's perspective on care of the dead?"

Emma responded more unclear than her usual responses, "We've usually buried people because its Jewish tradition to be buried together. My mom told me that I can't be buried with my family because I have a tattoo, which is fine 'cause I don't wanna be buried." She looked over her shoulder at the tattoo of a giraffe and smiled, then continued. "We have closed-casket funerals because I don't think people in my family would be able to deal with open caskets very much." She laughed at that. "I don't really know of anybody in my family being cremated, but I can't be sure. I know that my mom wants to be cremated being she and I share this issue of being claustrophobic. And I haven't spoken with my father but I imagine he'd like to be buried with his family, maybe next to his brother. I feel like my dads more conservative in that way."

Izzy responded just as sure as she was before, "I come from a traditional Irish Catholic family where most people in my family have been buried. They did open cascets and so on. My mother is not so conservative in her views on cremation so I don't think she would oppose of me being cremated. I'm not sure how influenced i've been by my family's views but maybe in a reverse psychology sort of way."

It seemed that both Emma and Izzy thought about their family's religious backgrounds when answering this question. This was interesting because neither of them were very religious. I've heard from others that people often get religious as they approach death. I guess its like having an insurance policy. They probably think its good to be on God's side when facing the unknown.

Comments on BOB (best of break)

Eloise

to:

"hey eloise,

i really enjoyed your post. i liked the language that you used to describe peoples reactions to your questions, and i liked the way you peeped-in their quotes. i liked the larger ideas that came across throughout your writing, which, mainly, were that death means different things to different people and they chose how they'd like to think about it. we live in a society where we have options and where the controversy on picking a form of care for a dead body doesn't seem too controversial.

although i really enjoyed your post, i still find that your posts are very choppy. i think that to make your posts have more of a flow, you should read it through aloud and seperate the larger chunks into paragraphs.

thanks girlly,

nai"

from:

"Wow! you poured your heart out ad what seems to stay bottled up, I can feel all the emotion, I am sure this took courage on your part. This was a very emotional and insisghtful post into Naima and though I feel much sorrow it made me very happy to hear these thoughts of yours. 

You spoke of how your mother's passing and how it effected your family and your father and how difficult it was to deal with the care of her body & memory. You also spoke of little Ped's recent passing and how much you give respect to his life , but in contrast how easy going the decision making for his memorial went.

I think your fathers actions to accept your grandmothers decisions show a strong man who really thinks of everyones sake, and it really seems you were still able to give your mother the tribute she deserves. I want to give you praise for being such a strong intelligent, powerful women because I can hardly imagine loosing my mother. From what i've heard you radiate her memory and that is an exceptional vibe you give.

The last days of your mothers life seem quite similar to that of my uncle's, loosing someone to sickness is so hard because you seemingly watch them wither, but as you say "My mother was surrounded by her children, father and mother, which made the moment of her death actually quite beautiful." when its a beautiful person being lost it gathers many amazing people at the time.

As for little Ped's story it is very interesting it really made me reflect on what life means for me and when it begins. You were very excited for no longer being the baby (hahaha) but eveerything happens for a reason, you will have to continue fufilling the title of the youngest.

This was a very intersting and emotionally thought proking post. I respect and feel your sturggle mamasita. !"

Devin

to:

"devin,

i appreciated the context in which you brought the reader. your use of quotes made your post more engaging and allowed your post to flow in a nicer way.

i also liked how you showed that normally, people in your family would be more attracted to burials, and how both of your grandmothers (on both sides) are breaking the tradition by preferring cremations.

your post bring the reader to speculate about how some people like to have a good image of the dead (you used the example of your grandmother spent lots of money to make her husband look nice. your post also makes the reader think about the different controversies in this decision making. all in all, good job.

thanks,

naima"

from:

"My first thought after reading about the deaths of your mother and of “Little Ped” was how proud your mother would be because of the feelings and values you have and how well you write about them. Your father, your brothers, and you had to be incredibly diplomatic with your grandmother, even allowing your mother to be buried in a dress you knew your mother hated. I think it was great that you found ways “to make sure that the ceremony reflected my (your) mother’s values.” I hope there was some drumming.

You also talk about the conflict between generations over the decision of your stepmother to end her pregnancy due to a fatal birth defect and the wishes of your father’s mother to
keep the baby alive and hope for a miracle. Burying Little Ped’s ashes under a tree you planted for him is about the best burial practice I can imagine. How great it would be if
we all ended our lives this way.

The only other comment I have is that your family’s experience with your mother’s death seems like an argument for people to write down what they want to have happen when they die to avoid conflicts. Your mother died much too young but for older people it
probably is a good thing to tell your family your if-I-die wishes."

Emma

"Naima,

I love this post-it was so incredibly honest. You discussed your mother's death and how your family had to deal with caring for her physical body, and then, contrasted it with the way your family dealt with Little Ped's passing. What I loved is that you showed how caring for the physical body after a death is actually a really spiritual and emotional process and can be a way in which the person's life is celebrated. I think it's beautiful that your father wanted drumming and dancing at your mother's funeral, even if it didn't actually happen. Burying your child is probably one of the most difficult things in the world to do so I understand why your father wanted to honor your grandmother's wishes. Your post about little Ped's death was also thought provoking and beautiful. It's heartbreaking that his life had to end before it even truly began, but I feel that the way your family has dealt with it, including your burial of his ashes, preserves his memory and will allow his soul to remain with your family. I think this project is really fascinating because it causes people to explore and look at death in a new and different way. What you do with a body depends on what you think happens after death, and how you think their life should be celebrated. I think it's beautiful that you're able to reflect on your own experiences through this project and hopefully, writing about it is healing and meaningful for you. As always, I loved reading!
-Emma"

Joaquin

initial thoughts on care of the dead

Contemplating my death is actually a strange topic for me. It makes me feel sad and seems a bit morbid because I don't like the idea of not being around even though, like everyone else, I know that I too will one day die. I realize from talking to many of my friends, the idea of being cremated seems attractive. I think this may be because a lot of my friends like the idea of their bodies being spread around the earth like compost, but I'm just speculating and I'm not really sure. 


I've always felt open to the different ways in which my body might be cared for after I die. Knowing that my mother was buried opens that possibility up to me, but, just like my peers, being cremated seems, for some reason, attractive to me. I'm also open to the idea of donating my organs to somebody after I die. I'm hoping that by the end of this unit, I'll have a more concrete idea on what I think I'd like to have happen to my body upon my death, but these ideas are still new to me. 


I think that the most important thing for me is that the ceremony of my death should be a celebration where there's music and dancing, food and merriment. I want people to enjoy themselves and hopefully have good thoughts on me and my life rather than it to be a sad and somber occasion. And, most of all, I don't want anyone wearing black.  

preguntas:

how have people who don't belong to one religion deal with death?

what responsibility do those who have lost a loved one bear for protecting the legacy and memory of the deceased?

how does religion play into how we care for the deceased?

Is organ donation okay if your body is used for something like plastic surgery as opposed to giving someone a chance at life?

family perspectives on care of the dead

I have only had two experiences dealing with death involving people who were close to me (so far). The first was my mother who died five years ago. When my mother died, my family was unprepared. Alhtough we knew for sure that she would die, we hand't thought about what we would do when it happened. My mother was surrounded by her children, father and mother, which made the moment of her death actually quite beautiful. My family had been accepting and asked my mother to let go because we knew that for her, death meant relief. I think we felt this way because my mother had been in much pain during her illness and in the last five days of her life, she had gradually slipped into a coma. At the time, it seemed as though she lost everything quickly- in a matter of a week. Fist she lost the ability to walk, which is when the hospice bed came in. Then she stopped talking, stopped taking her medication and finally, stopped breathing.

When my mother died, my dad didn't know what we were supposed to do with her body. She died in our home and the hospice nurse advised us to call a funeral home so that they could take my mother's body away. My father and eldest brother carried her body into the hearse and that was the last time I saw her body until the funeral. My father and brother Antonio walked with our dog Yoshi to bring the dress that my grandmother had chosen for my mother's body to wear. 


We were all in a state of shock- grieving with the reality of my mother's death, but we had to immediately prepare for the funeral. This meant notifying people- family and friends- so that they could know of my mothers death and attend the funeral. Because my mother had been raised in California and my grandmother was adamant on burrying her there, we made arrangements to have her body flown to the Bay Area.


Although this was a difficult time for everyone, I think that my dad had it the hardest. Already having to deal with the loss of his wife of 25 years, he also had to find a balance between respecting what my grandmother wanted for my mother's body and cherishing my mother's values. As a catholic, she had very strong views on how my mothers body should be handled. This included everything from how she should be dressed (she picked a dress my mother hated) to whether or not we had an open casket (we wanted closed) to how large (and expensive) the tombstone should be. My father imagined what my mother would have wanted for herself and knew that she would have wanted dancing and drumming at her funeral because those were things my mother loved. However, my grandmother wanted a traditional ceremony, so it was difficult to work with her. He also knew that it would be very important that there would not be a rift between us so for the most part, he gave in to what my grandmother wanted.  We found other ways to make sure that the ceremony reflected my mother's values. This was especially true in California, when we had more time to plan and we could involve more people who were important to my mother. 


In the case of Little Ped, who died just two weeks ago, the issues of how to handle his death were not so complicated. My stepmother, Allyson,  found out quite unexpectantly that the child she was carrying had a lethal birth defect and could not survive. My grandmother (on my dad's side) had nicknamed him "Little Ped" after my father Pedro and even though he was no larger than the palm of my fathers hand, he still looked very much like a real baby. With the exception of my grandmother, who argued that Little Ped should be given a chance to live, saying that "a miracle could happen", while everyone else respected Allyson's decision to terminate the pregnancy. Nonetheless, we wanted to honor Little Ped and make sure that he received a proper burial. This time, my family wasn't under so much pressure and had time to think about what would be appropriate. Allyson and my father decided that Little Ped should be cremated and that the ashes should be buried with a tree that we will plant in our backyard. Even though we never got to really meet Little Ped, he was still a life- and for me, a little brother, and I think its important that his life is respected and honored. 


Although the two cases I've described are very different, they both share significant similarities. In the case of my mom, we had to deal with a real conflict with her mother over how my mother should be buried and remembered in death. With Little Ped, there was little conflict and no debate. However, in both cases, we felt it was important to find a way to honor the dead and I think we've done an okay job at that. 

forty-four comments

Comments to...



Eloise:

Wow, I really appreciate the creativity brought into your project. You explored your thoughts through these images that often bring a sense of discomfort among most people. This is because we aren't used to confronting our thoughts, even though they come naturally for most of us.

I really appreciated the poem that you wrote, I could totally imagine you speaking these words with passion, and I'm happy that you could communicate that through the internet!

I appreciated the topic because I felt like it is one that everyone can relate to. You have your own understanding that everyone is a sexual being and I appreciate your willingness to question sex being thought of as taboo among a large population in the united states ( i can't speak for any other place).

I still think that you have room for improvement in your writing. I wish that you would have introduced the poem and explained your thoughts being it and the video. A good way to think about it is to think, what if someone not exposed to pregnancy and birth were to see them, how would I prepare them to read my post? well... you get my drift? miss you! have fun in france!

nai


Casey:

yer,

your post illustrates the eventful day you had with dr. Moritz. although i've never been present at a birth, i've got a feeling that its very difficult to communicate to anybody what the experience was like. taking that into consideration, i applaud you at presenting your experiences in the way that you did- very articulate.

i think that your post matters to me because i have an appreciation for birth- as we all do.should? and i would someday like to be an assistant at birth, like a doula. Having read your post on the plane, it kept me entertained, and thanks for that too.

ciao


Devin:

I really appreciated your work! You presented the medical approach as one that may not have an understanding or appreciation of the effects of allowing the umbilical cord to be cut after three minutes and presented the natural approach as being more welcoming to the literal connection between mother and child.

After reading the book that I was assigned to from class, this was brought up but not written about in detail. I was interested in this topic and I'm glad that you provided me with more information.

I liked the way this blog post was written, but perhaps you could have displayed it in a more creative way? 



Comments from...


Eloise:
Naima, your narrative discribing the doula training class you are going to take, your first memories of birth, and the deep discussion with your aunt about working with child delivery and the medical system was written with great beauty. It tied in the previous unit as well (I belive without intention) Which i belive is very powerful.

I realllllly liked the actions your taking, becoming a good friend of yours I can really see you as being a very helpful person in pregnancy. I think that you taking these courses is very interesting and EXPERIENTAL TO THE MAX ! I can't wait to hear how they go! I also really liked the opening story of your post it flowed like a river.

Your project matters to me because as a friend I value the relationship you have with your family and I feel these actions you are taking are going to have a major positive influence on your step mother and especially the little babe to come ! (hopefully) What story it will be to tell that you saw your sibling being born.

Elizabeth:

Naima!

The courses you described sounded amazing. I liked that your focus was on becoming a doula/being a part of birth because it relates to things we talked about in class, but hearing what your aunt had to say was a new point of view. I actually considered going through doula training for my project as well, but I didn't know how well it would turn out without the actual training (since the next available session was in May).
Your project though, came out really well and I think that the interview/your personal connection (step-mother) really added extra emotion into the project which I feel is a hard thing to do when such a stiff word (in my opinion) like "project" is being used.

I hope to hear more about your training and your perspective on your step-mother's birth experience

Casey:

Naima,
You go girl! Your motivation to be involved in your stepmom's pregancy and the overall experience of birth is commendable, and the fact that your formed a strategy to do so looks effective. I think your experiences in doula training will provide life-long skills. After having seen several births, a doula in action, and what it takes to support birthing/pregnant women, I think that you have the potential to be a great doula!
Your project is important to me because I might like to take that class as well. I'm so excited for you to learn more about this process and eventually be a part of a birth.
I found it especially interesting that your aunt sings to the baby and familiarizes herself with him/her by touching the stomach...I wonder how she learned to do this.
Interesting work!


Comments from...
Emma:

Naima,
I love the way you reflect on your experience with your friend Tiana. It highlights the transformation you've gone through regarding your perspective on birth, but also shows the common beliefs regarding birth- that it's disgusting. The way you describe your conversation with your aunt is also really wonderful and vivid. She brings up a lot of interesting ideas that challenge the notion of conventional birthing practices, and I was particularly interested in what she said about doctors not respecting nurse practitioners. Overall, this post has gotten me to think about birth in a more holistic way- this post illustrates the ways in which birth is a journey, rather than an isolated event in a woman's life that she bears no connection to. It also makes me question the western medical world as a whole, and how its birthing methods reflect its lack of emphasis on true healing that involves a deep connection between the body, mind, and spirit.

Joaquin:

The part that jumps out to me is the paragraph where you introduce Auntie Ramona, and the character that she is. You captured her quirkiness and passion well. And knowing her, I know she WOULD say something like Bingly liked the attention she gave her.

I also appreciate how your passion for this subject comes through consistently in your piece. Although the recent turn in events has shifted things as we knew them, I encourage you to continue to explore this interest of yours. I think you would make a great doula or midwife.

Remember to always reread your work bebe. Proper nouns must be capitalized. Allyson's name for example :) But, I must say, your writing has clearly improved over time. I'm very proud of you my little munchkin sister.

Love you,
Joaquin

pregnancy and birth culminating project

As a daily routine, Tiana and I used to sit at my desk for hours- talking and listening to music. She and I were really close friends and I wasn't afraid to tell her anything. "T, I just found the NASTIEST pictures I've ever seen!" She looked up with a delighted face that said 'show me'. I ran up to my room and brought back a small package of developed film photos. She took them from my hand and as soon as she opened them, "EWWW! Is that your mom?" she asked. I looked over to the photo that sat in her hand. My mom squatted on a bed with a baby's head half- way out of her uterus. "YES! Isn't it gross?" Tiana flipped through the rest of the photos, half smiling, half disgusted. She leaned back in her chair. "The baby looks like an alien. Why would your mom have these photos taken of her?" I thought about it, traced my eyes over the photo and then shivered, "I guess she just really wanted to remember it."

Now I wonder what we found so disgusting about the photos. Was it the blood? Was it that the baby looked blue and did indeed look like an alien? Or was it that we were dumbfounded by the thought of someone taking photos of an experience so intimate? Whatever it was, I don't feel the same way anymore. I now have a new found respect for women who have given labor to the point where I'm interested in being present at one myself.

A couple of weeks ago, Allyson, my stepmother, and I were having a conversation and I changed the topic, "Do you think I can be present at your birth?" She responded by telling me that she would feel comfortable with me being there. I felt ecstatic! But as I thought about it more, I felt kind of silly asking her. "What will I even do? Just watch?" I asked myself. But as I thought about it more, I realized that doulas, people who assist women during labor have limited training and I thought that it would be great if I could take some of the training.

I started to do some investigations into what it takes to be a doula. Here's what I learned: To become a certified doula, in addition to 16 hours of workshops, I have to purchase a certification packet and read five books on specific doula training (http://www.dona.org/develop/birth_cert.php). The class that I will be taking is on the first weekend in June and the training course costs $450. I was initially suspicious that this might just be away to make money from people but after looking closely at what was offered in the courses, I thought that it would be valuable. Below is a description of the training that I will be taking:

DAY ONE: Introduction to childbirth for new doula’s course - Day one fills the requirement for DONA International's Observation of a Childbirth Preparation series. Topics to be covered: Basic anatomy & physiology of pregnancy, stages and phases of labor, medications options, discomforts of pregnancy, and all general topics covered within a childbirth education class.

DAY TWO:  Introduction to Labor Support - Level I

Presents the dynamics of labor and birth, how to be a skilled companion during childbirth, and how to soothe and comfort a laboring woman. Topics to be covered: Introduction to labor support, Prenatal contact between Doula and client, Emotional support, comfort measures, business aspects of a Doula practice.

 

DAY THREE:  Basic Doula Training - Level 2

Covers in-depth labor support strategies, the role of the Doula within the medical framework, guidelines for pre and postnatal contact with clients, how to deal with problem labors and unexpected outcomes, how to contribute to breastfeeding success, and specific tips for setting up practice as a Doula. Topics to be covered: Cesarean Section, VBAC, Postpartum contact between Doula and client, difficult labors, The newborn and breastfeeding.

In addition to taking the course, I thought it would be beneficial to interview a health worker who has assisted in child births before. I gave my aunt Ramona a call.  She is a nurse practitioner and was pleased to hear from me but even more pleased to speak about her work. She readily opened up: "The first time I experienced child birth was in Kenya in a mud hut. I was assisting midwives and most of the babies were born at home. I was really just in awe, and my part was more like a doula. I got to cut the umbilical cord with a razor blade!" My mind raced as she told me these stories. I began having images of what it must have been like for her. She went on to tell me that she studied under a man who was responsible for delivering babies on the island of Lamu.  He was a traditional healer who had a lot of power and respect in the village. It was considered a real honor for her to have a chance to learn under such an individual.

I continued the conversation, "Could you tell me a little history of your role as a birthing assistant? What do you do now? Are you happy doing it?" She took a moment, "Naima, of course I'm happy doing it! I guess it started when I was ten years old. I had this dog named Bingly and whenever she got pregnant, I would help her out during the delivery. I was like her midwife. And she really liked it." I laughed at that. "I'm serious! she appreciated it. After one pup came out, I'd pet her as we prepared for the next."


"Then I got really interested in midwifery. In Kenya I helped assist but I had more of a doula role. And now I'm a family nurse practitioner. And I like it, you know, dealing with people from the time of conception to the time of death. I prefer this because I can still deliver babies. I work with midwives, but I'm not exclusively a midwife. I get to do a little bit of everything, I've got no boundaries. I just have to find the right fit and not let people exploit me." I asked her if she worked in the hospital. "I work in a clinic, not a hospital. I disagree with too many things that doctors do. They do things based on their own interests and there are way too many unnecessary procedures. They treat everything, even birth, like its a sickness or a disease. And they feel threatened by nurse practitioners. I don't see why. We do everything they do and get paid half the amount they do. "

After hearing her talk about the passion she had for her work, I wanted to get a sense for the types of qualities I would need to have in order to be a good doula. "What personal qualities contribute to being a good doula" I asked. "...Empathy. Compassion. Patience. Touch! Massaging, are you good at those? Knowledge of midwifery." She paused. "You should have a good understanding of what pregnancy is all about. Understand each of the trimesters and read as much as you can on midwifery." Right before our conversation finished, she added "And spend as much time as you can with allyson! Notice the changes that take place in her breasts and belly. Keep your hand on her belly frequently so that the baby can get to know you. And sing to him."

My conversation with my aunt left me even more intent on learning about childbirth and becoming directly involved. She's always been a great story teller and the way she spoke with her passion and dramatic inflections reminded me of how special it is to see a child come into the world. I'm looking forward to the time when I'll have the chance to be present at a childbirth and assisting in the process.

ind. research

works cited

• http://www.lamaze.org/

This is a website that describes Lamaze.  It is an educational program that assists parents who seek to have a natural and healthy approach to child birth. Using the Lamaze approach often leads to reduced medical interventions and more support for the woman- either being assisted by family members, doulas or midwives.

• Gaskin May, Ina. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. New York: Bantam Dell, 2003. Print.

Chapter 2: This chapter looks into the process of labor. It explores how the uterus, placenta and umbilical cord function during intrauterine life.  It also describes how the baby is affected during the labor process.

• http://www.birthfocus.com/birthFocus/what.cfm- what is a doula?

This website explains what a doula is.  The word doula is Greek in origin and refers to someone who actively assists the mother during child labor. Not only does the Doula provide support to empower the woman but they also aim to involve the partner, if there is one. Doula's help provide "objective" information while also helping in decision making. They also facilitate communication between the mother and doctor or midwife.  This might pertain to a physical condition or an emotional state. Doula's attempt to make childbirth as comfortable as stress-free as they can for the woman and partner.

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvmB96cRnaU

This video provides the perspectives of woman who had a doula present during childbirth.  In the video she describes the doulas as necessary and reassuring. The women, midwife and doctor interviewed felt positively about doulas.  Everyone interviewed seemed to understand that the presence of a doula often led to the woman experiencing greater confidence during childbirth.

• http://www.childbirthinternational.com/birth_doula/syllabus.htm & http://www.birthinggently.com/doula_training.html

I checked out this website because I am interested in learning how to become a doula.  Through this three day course (birthing gently) I will learn the basic skills of being a doula which includes understanding the female anatomy and physiology of pregnancy. I will come to a better understanding of the dynamics of labor and birth. I will also understand how to be a soothing, nurturing assistance and provide emotional support.

Recently my father and step mother broke the news and told me that Allyson, my step mom was pregnant. A little while after I got used to the idea, I realized that this birth unit would be a great tool for me to have an understanding of what pregnancy and child birth is about. After learning so much about birth from the "Business of Being Born," the book "Baby Catcher" and what we've discussed in the classroom, I have taken interest in becoming a doula, or at least getting a sense of what that job entails. I would prefer to be actively involved in Allyson's birth experience rather than a passive by stander. This course and the books I've read has impressed upon me how awesome and incredible the birthing experience is and I would welcome the opportunity to participate in an actual birth. I conducted this research so that when I take the three day "doula training" course, I can be better prepared for what is to come.

insights from "Baby Catcher" parte três

I swirled the last drops of water in my glass and set it back down onto the table. My phone sat on my lap and I lazily typed a text message to my brother "Lets leave, Antonio. I'm tired!". I peered over to the table where he stood, flirting with a girl. Momentarily, he pulled the phone out of his pocket, saw what I typed, glanced toward where I was sitting, and ignored the text completely.  Getting frustrated and impatient I texted again, "I'll mess it up for you" but this time he didn't even care to look over the text.  He just set his phone back in his pocket. I stood up and began to march in their direction, determined to interrupt their conversation so that we could leave this boring cocktail party. Too focused on my brother and the girl I didn't notice the little elderly lady in front of me and bumped into her, spilling her drink. "Oh my god, I'm so sorr-" Her face grew tense, but quickly morphed from a frown into a smile.  As she began to dry the drink from her blouse I spurted out...

"I apologize for that, I wasn't watching where I was walking."
She shook her head, "Not your fault its okay."
"I'm so sorry...You know, you look really familiar." I said. "Is your name Patty?"
"No, I'm sorry, I think you've confused me with someone else? Have a good night."

As she walked away, I began to mumble, "No! Not Patty.... Peg, umm, Peggy?" She turned her head toward me indicating that I had the right name. "Peggy! Wow! Sorry, my name is Naima, I'm a high school senior and in my social studies class we just finished our unit on birth! I'm on my spring break now... wait, your name is Peggy Vincent?" She nodded, overwhelmed with the rush of words flowing through my mouth. "Yeah! I just finished reading your book umm... Baby Catcher!"

"And you said you're a senior, in high school?" I nodded my head quickly, excitement bubbling over. "I didn't know they provided my book to readers that young.." She mumbled. "What did you think?"

 Wow, where to begin! I thought. "Well, umm, I really think that your book was special, and I appreciate you writing Baby Catcher. The stories you told of the women and their births really impressed upon me the need for women to take control of the birthing process. The idea of empowering women so that they are not passive during birth was so compelling to me, even though I've never had a child of my own.

"Really, which parts were most effective or important for you?"

"Well, in the last third of the book you focused on how your midwifery experiences led you to feel empowered and how you treasured each experience with your patients. I was so moved by the tragedy that occurred with your patient whose baby struggled during labor to the point that when it was born with a prolapsed umbilical cord it became clear that he was badly damaged - deaf, blind and paralyzed.  This traumatic incident resulted in you being sued, even though it wasn't your fault, and you were held liable. I felt horrible when you lost your insurance because I understood that being a midwife was your passion. I also knew that when you were forced to return to the hospital practices that you knew that it wasn't the way women should be treated. You made the analogy that it was like working on an assembly line, and I thought how inhumane! Women shouldn't be treated that way. In this placement back under the supervision of doctors, your writing reflected your feelings of being dis-empowered. This part of your experience further developed the main idea of your story - the importance of allowing women to take control during the birthing process.  You were able to contrast how doctors in the hospital often felt entitled and took control while women had little ability to exert their opinions (including midwives).

She blinked twice as I spoke.  "Wow, I'm surprised that you actually enjoyed my book. You're in high school?" I nodded. "And you haven't given birth?" She asked. I shook my head no. "Please, tell me more about what you took from the book."

"Should I be more specific?" She tilted her head as if to say 'Sure'.  I took a deep breath and continued, "Well, I noticed that you often brought up the principle that motivated your work -  'Childbirth is normal until proven otherwise' (page 327).  You contrasted your perspective to that taken by most doctors ideology who held the view that 'Normal birth is a retrospective diagnosis. All births are complicated until proven otherwise'(page 311).  This struck me as so important because we live in a society where people view doctors as masters of health and we give up our freedom when we turn ourselves over to their care.

You also stated that many doctors (most that you've encountered, with few exceptions) approach childbirth by thinking about whats in their best interest rather than the woman.  (page 327)  This is really an extension of the previous point but its important to me because it further illustrates how women become dis-empowered.   When doctors decide how to handle a birth, they are more likely to call for a cesarian, to use pain killers and other invasive procedures, and to treat the woman having the child as if she was incidental to the process.  This seems so unjust and inhumane to me."

Peggy smiled at me with a look of simple wisdom and recognition.  "I can see that you got a lot out of my book. That makes me proud".

But I blurted out more. " I was struck by what you said about the diversity of births you participated in.  You wrote 'Women react with perfect freedom in the comfort of their own homes, and I learned long ago not to try predicting who would be quiet or noisy, stoical or dramatic.' (page 315)  You also described so many different ways in which women and their families went through the birthing process, ways that reflected their particular needs, desires and culture.  This struck me as the way it should be."

I paused, waiting for a response, "I really appreciate everything that you've taken into consideration." She smiled, "Honestly, what could I have done to improve this book or? Or to more effectively fulfill its purpose?"

I took my time in responding to this question because I knew that I couldn't keep her any longer. This was, after all, a cocktail party and not a lecture, "'Baby Catcher' sought to provide intimate narratives form the perspectives of a midwife to allow people to better understand pregnancy and birth in our culture. Given that aim, and your book, the best advice I have to offer would be to provide a more honest and humbling perspective of the women who decide (or think of as their only option) to go to a hospital for birth."

Peggy's eyebrows lifted, and she looked worried. I put my hand across my chest, "Please don't feel as though I'm criticizing! I appreciate the work that you've devoted to this important issue and for making me think about the birthing process and my future in terms of pregnancy and birth. You made being a midwife a desirable career for me! I always knew that I would have a home birth, but now I've thought more critically as to why I would chose that path" I said.

"Thanks! Talking to you was wonderful. I really appreciate everything you've said." Peggy said.

I smiled awkwardly, thanked her and stood up. Looking around the room, I couldn't find my brother. I looked down at my phone to five unread messages, all from Antonio. I finally spotted him, alone and asleep, with his mouth wide open.

"Have a good night, Peggy. Its been amazing speaking with you.



(On a side note, I've never been happier to finish a book...)

insights from "Baby Catcher" parte dois

Vincent, Peggy. Baby Catcher. New York: Scribner, 2002. Print.

Baby Catcher is a book written about the incredible experiences and growth of Peggy Vincent. Her role as a birthing assistant began as a student delivery room nurse, childbirth teacher and has now (my current position in the story) transitioned to a midwife. Each story that Vincent tells provides substantial insights into her personal experience and leaves me longing to share the stories I've just been so moved by.

After having watched "The Business of Being Born" (http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/) almost a complete second time around, I've realized that the film didn't have as much influence on me as the book. Whereas Baby Catcher narrows in on the intimate details of one woman's story, "The Business of Being Born" often leaves the viewer feeling disconnected from the women in the film because it focuses more on the critique of the health care system rather than the personal stories of women. 

"As I knelt to catch each woman's baby, I paid homage to a miracle. Not just to the wonder of new life, but also to a woman's transformation from girl to woman to mother- and, for a moment, to goddess."

This captures the authors recognition of the wonder of birth in a way that a technical or medical explanation could not. Even from my own limited experience from seeing births on film, reading about them and hearing women speak about them, I find myself in awe of the process that women go through. In describing  woman as a goddess Vincent is conveying the miracle of transformation that women go through at the moment of birth.  By speaking of this as an evolution, Vincent reminds her readers that ordinary women are able to accomplish an extraordinary feat. The fact that millions of women have done this throughout history does not make this any less magical or awesome.

Below are five aspects of pregnancy and birth discussed in Baby Catcher that I believe deserve wider attention:

• A control issue exists among birthing assistants including doctors AND midwives. Women need to be able to reassert control. (page 100) 
• The beauty and strength required to experience a natural birth (page 26)
• The need for men to find a role that is supportive but not controlling  (page 97)
• The importance of having a midwife who has experienced her own birth and has wisdom and maturity as a result  (page 41)
• Its important to create an environment that's accepting, loving and comfortable for the mother and the new baby  (page 85)

#27 comments

 Thinking/Writing groups

For Eloise:
"Eloise,

I believe that your writing is in many ways informative. Your post had a lot of information from both Ryan's and Bill's interview that I forgot to add which shows me that you were able to listen well and jot down the notes at the same time- which is great! (I'm not so good at multi-tasking)

I also noticed that your writing is extremely straight forward which is good- it gets to the point.

I think that my favorite lines were when you explained WHY something was the way it was. It showed that the interviewer gave off one of their "bubbles" and you expanded off of them into real, thoughtful, thinking, which is great. I think that was my favorite line:

'This symbolized for me the ultimate women’s empowerment her being the center of attention because of her struggle in her most animal form naively being, not restricted by the pressures of society, with as many people as she desired supporting her.'

I thought it was powerful, thought- provoking and insightful.

Although your writing was informative, I found it overwhelming to read simply because there was a lack of space within the actual format. I find that when you space out your writing into more paragraphs grouped together, its much easier to read and flows much better."


For Devin:
 "Devin,

Your narrative flowed very beautifully together. You were able to tie pieces that hadn't seemed connected and wove them nicely into the story.

I also appreciated the way you brought emotional factors into your writing. In particular, my favorite piece was:

"She and my mother would take turns lunch with one another, and even though they live next door it was hard to get past all the piles of snow and ice. She felt like a prisoner especially knowing that it was summer in Brazil."

I too would like to know why you think its better for women to have children at a (to me, considered) later age- 30. To improve your writing, I think you could develop the depths of your perspective- how you feel about certain "norms" of child birth."


From Eloise:


From Devin:
"You interviewed three different young women, and it's interesting that they all have different views about having a baby. I think the most powerful line is this one from Beinda:"I want to have kids because I feel like it’s a struggle that I have to face that will make me stronger. Every woman in my family has been an independent mother, and I feel like I will too. Its not what I want, its just a pattern I've noticed." This response sounds so depressing to me. You said that using the term "independent" parent instead of "single" parent might indicate a "more empowered sense of the possiblities of single parenthood." I think that raising a child is a two - person job and that having two parents usually makes life easier. The fact that Belinda calls having kids a struggle she has to face and that she thinks she will probably have to do alone because that seems to be the way it happens in her family is too bad. It sounds fatalistic, and I hope she'll be the one to break the one - parent cycle. You said yourself that you wished you had prepared some different questions. I think it might have been interesting if you had asked them about what they wanted to do with their lives before having children."



Mentor/Protege

From Joaquin:
"I appreciate the experiences shared through the stories that you present. Birthing a child truly is an incredible event and witnessing a birth is, literally, life-changing, for many. Like death, everyone will have a taste of birth, even if they don't remember it. It is one of the mysteries of life and another example of our powers, of the magic, we human possess.

I appreciated the first story and the stories Bill told most in your writing. The perspective of a woman that has had 3 children is invaluable, especially considering how much she was willing to share. Bill sounds like an entertaining character and being present for his story was spellbinding, I'm sure. You're so good at presenting the characters of your writing/interviews in a way that allows the reader to feel like they met the person. This, as I've said before, is a treat for any reader because it is clear, descriptive, and allows for a vivid image of the scene in the reader's imagination.

My suggestions would be to include a link to the movie you referenced (even if it's only for the trailer because the movie is on topic and interesting), don't assume the reader knows all of the terms you use (like dulla), so explain in your writing what it is, and always reread your work before you consider it complete.

Thanks bebe. Nice work. Love you.

Joaquin "


From Emma:
"Naima,
Once again, I think this post illustrates how well you are able to articulate and express yourself. Your personality and voice really shines through your writing. I loved all of the interviews, but I think Bill's story was particularly powerful and the way you described him really created a clear image. I like the line, "With raised eyebrows, the participants questioned his 'loneliness' in the birth, considering his wife pushed the baby out" because it really conveys the different perspectives regarding birth and how Bill's perspective is truly unique.
Overall, your piece got me to really think about how I want to have my own birth. I've always thought I wanted a natural birth, but I'm also such a big baby when it comes to pain. However, your piece helped me realize that natural births are really the best way of connecting to your child and having a meaningful and beautiful birth."