Tuesdays with Morrie (part 1)

I am reading Tuesdays with Morrie, written by Mitch Albom. It was published by Doubleday in 1997. I focused on chapter two: The Syllabus. 

Morrie was an exciting and thoughtful sociology professor who didn't seem to have much self consciousness about displaying his true self to others. His body began to break down and he gradually realized that it wasn't simply old age. He allowed doctors to perform series of tests, which led to the diagnosis of Lou Gherig's disease; a debilitating neurological condition. Morrie was no longer able to live a normal life, and it became neccesary for him hire helpers to assist him in all aspects of his life. However, even as his body deteriorated, Morrie did not allow shame about his illness to limit him. Instead, he chose to speak openly about his illness and his impending death.

Mitch, the author of Tuesdays with Morrie, lost touch with the relationships he had formed during college, including his relationship with his professor and close friend, Morrie. After his college graduation, Mitch set his mind on chasing his dreams of becoming a musician, but when his uncle became fatally ill, and Mitch witnessed the death, the pathways of his life took a sharp turn. He dove into a world of constant movement, becoming a columnist, he focused all of his attention on his work and things that before had not mattered. 

Morrie's conscious decision to allow people to learn from his death, along with him, interested many, and he was interviewed on television. Upon learning of Morrie's illness, Mitch reached out to Morrie and began to pay him visits on Tuesdays.

Whereas many people fear death, Morrie decided to confront his illness for exactly what it was and to make his impending death the subject of his last class. It is his resignation and courageous openness about his own deterioration that makes Tuesdays with Morrie an invaluable lesson about mortality. 

"Do I wither up and disappear, or do I make the best of my time left? he had asked himself. 

He would not wither. He would not be ashamed of dying. Instead, he would make death his final project, the center point of his days... Study with me in my slow and patient demise. Watch what happens to me. learn with me." (page 10) When I first read this, I imagined myself thinking something similar to Morrie's thoughts (when my time comes). I then re-imagined myself not being able to allow somebody to study my own death. I realized then that my first reaction of wanting to follow Morrie's footsteps were because I appreciated his confrontation and his attempt at normalcy with death. Morrie decided to allow people to learn from his narration of his own death because he wanted people to be able to reflect on themselves and to learn from his experiences. Having been an educator for most of his life, he was able to think critically and reflect on the pathways that his illness would take to his death. He did so through open introspection, and in a manner that many people would be fearful to undertake. 

"And on a cold Sunday afternoon, he was joined in his home by a small group of friends and family for a 'living funeral.' Each of them spoke and paid tribute to my old professor." (page 12)This piece struck me as powerful because it is clear that Morrie is not afraid to question certain traditions. To change the traditions of funerals can be seen as taboo, but as Morrie approached death himself, he realized that he could do things differently if he pleased to. He felt that funerals were not sensible because the person isn't able to hear what their loved ones have to say about them.

"Morrie was in a wheelchair full-time now, getting used to helpers lifting him like a heavy sack from the chair to the bed and the bed to the chair. He had begun to cough while eating, and chewing was a chore. His legs were dead; he would never walk again. Yet he refused to be depressed. Instead, Morrie had become a lightning rod of ideas. He jotted down his thoughts on yellow pads, envelopes, folders, scrap paper. He wrote bite-sized philosophies about living with death's shadow: 'Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do'; 'Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others'; 'Don't assume that it's too late to get involved.' " (page 18) One of the many reasons why Morrie is seen as an inspiring character is because even in the last days of his life, when his sickness becomes more serious, he sets goals and reflects on the way he wants to live the remainder of his life. One dominant social practice that Morrie consciously chooses to resist is succumbing to feelings of depression as his death drew near.  In the culture that we live in, it is common for people to retire and withdraw as they enter old age and their bodies and minds begin to fail. Morrie refuses to give in even as the illness renders him unable to move and he must rely on others to perform even the most simple and basic tasks.

As I read Tuesdays with Morrie, I asked myself whether or not I would be able to teach a class about my coming death. I felt as though I might be too embarrassed with my condition to allow people to study me while the illness gradually overcomes me.I imagined that this must be a common feeling among those who have fatal illnesses. When my mother was first diagnosed with cancer, my family chose to trust her illness in the hands of the doctors.  Western medicine called for treating lymphoma with chemotherapy; a poison applied to  remove the tumors. After this process, my mother began to lose her hair slowly. She prepared for the hair loss and bought a wig for when she would leave the house, or for when guests would come over. Personally, I thought the wig weirded me out. But I also felt uncomfortable with her hairless scalp. I realize now that not only was there an embarrassment that began to bud inside of her, but at the stage of adolescence that I was in, a similar embarrassment, of having a bald mother, bloomed inside of all my thoughts when we walked publicly. What embarrassed us both was the realization that her baldness made it clear to everyone that she was sick and dying.

Unlike Morrie who spoke openly about his illness and the coming of his death, my mother used the wig as a shield; a way to fit back into the society as society knew her- with long, curly hair that, to me represented her liveliness. Whereas Morrie spoke freely about his death, even appearing on television, my mother drew inward. She rarely saw friends, and spent most of her time drawing, sewing, painting and writing notebook entries. It was as though she was conserving her energy and channeling it into products that we could remember later. She never once shared with me what exactly was going on inside of her body. She closed off the illness inside of herself and didn't allow me to watch what happened to her. She didn't allow me to learn with her. And maybe it was my relationship with her illness and that caused her to keep the mysteries of her impending death to herself. I think that this is a result of a dominant social practice that remains strong at the root of our opinions on illness. We all understand that illness and dying is natural, but we don't want to accept what is happening. And once we see signs that our bodies are deteriorating, we try to hide it as best we can in order to try to maintain the appearance of being "normal", even if we are dying inside.

Comments

To Beatrice: 
"I really liked what your aunt had to say. I agreed with most of her perspectives on allopathy treatment. I really liked the second question that you asked her, which goes into the reasoning behind choices that the dominant discourses make. What I think you could do to better this post is add some of your own insights, and your own perspectives. Otherwise it was really great and interesting to read!"
From Beatrice:
"I really enjoyed reading your blog post because it flowed very nicely and wasn't trying to be something pretentious moreover something genuine and sincere. You outlined your insight well with the beginning being about the dominant discourse versus what your family does differently. Next you wrote about what your brother had to say and added in your own personal insights on top of his and added in your own personal experience about your mothers death (I knew you were a strong lady but I wasn't aware of to the extent, I'm sorry about that). Finally you concluded your post very nicely with your brothers insightful quote, It's important to check in with oneself."

To Ruben:

"I really liked that you showed how your parents developed their ways in caring for the ill and dying, it was a great way to show how you have adopted these ways. However, I do think that your post could use some proof reading and more depth and insight. I love that you've acknowledged that you now "feel bad" and "show respect" to people who die, but I would like to know that you do this because it feels right, or maybe because that's what society tells us to do? I would just like you to go more into depth in this post."


From Ruben:
"I agree with Beatrice. I also wanted to say that I thought it was really cool for you to ask your brother about his thoughts, and still try and find other opinions about illness and dying. You really took the initiative, and I also thought ending the post going back to your brother, was good also. You wanted to make sure that he got what he wanted to say out, and you got what you wanted to hear."

Younger person (Cai Oglesby):

"I really admire you for choosing to write about this. It couldn't have been easy, and you are such a strong person.

Your last sentence stood out to me, about stepping out of your comfort zone. I completely agree with you. That's an interesting thought that you could look deeper into. Why? How does one go about doing that? Just stuff to think about."

Older person (Joaquin Noguera):
"Naima Bambina,

Thank you for selecting me as one of the readers of your blog! :)

This particular topic happens to be one that is of great interest to me. As the interviewee, I enjoyed reading your piece and found it gripping and thought-provoking, with hints of your smug, silly sense of humor smeared throughout each line. ;)

In my favorite line from your blog you apply descriptive language that allows the reader to more clearly envision the subject and the conversation as it develops. You created a slight tone of suspense and offered a quote before presenting the ideas of the subject. Very engaging! I particularly like this point "...After laughing about his runny nose, his facial expression rearranged to a more stern look. "I have witnessed many different illnesses, like the ones I mentioned before."

Nice to read you. And I look forward to the others ;"

Hey Evan,

On the morning that Evan's mother came in to speak about her experiences with death, I did not come to school because I was sick. I do not I like missing school or making excuses.  Since I was not present the only thing that I could do was to be resourceful and read blogs written by other peoples' blogs, to find out what I missed. 

Here are some of the insights that I gained from reading the class blogs: that people have trouble speaking about how those who lose a loved one may feel about death; that people sometimes pity and become uncomfortable when the topic of death comes up; that people like to speak positively about the dead and try to avoid commenting on the negative aspects of a person's life, even if they are truthful; that people don't like to confront the reality of death until it is right upon them; that hospitals are unpleasant places and leave lasting impressions that cloud our memories of those who die. 

The first blog that I read was Evan's. I think his name was the first blog I chose to read because I wanted to understand how he might relate to the death of someone who was close to him.  I also wanted to see how he wrote about his father's death being spoken about in front of his peers. After reading Evan's post, I noticed that I might have responded similarly to a conversation about the death of a parent. Like Evan, every time stories about my mother's death are told, people who have not known her seem to grow uncomfortable. In reaction to their discomfort I've tried to disconnect myself as much as possible from the situation. My face remains serious, and I might look down or away. I've never found pity amusing, but I do appreciate it when someone is interested in discussing my mother's death and how I might have dealt with it.  However, most of the time people change the topic or become quiet.  This is similar to what Evan described in his blog.  People talked about the death of his father without commenting on how Evan might have been feeling.  This is an example of the way people can become disconnected when we speak about death.  At the end of Evans post he spoke about our peers, and how his name didn't show up in their posts. I found this interesting, and I was able to relate to his observation because when people hear that my mother passed away from cancer, they apologize (pity) and then change the topic (disconnect).  I see this as an indication of the way people  deal with death.  They are often unsure of what to say to a person who has experienced a devastating loss.

The next blogpost I read was Casey's (possibly because the words 'good model' have been written next to her name for most of this school year). In this blogpost, I was able to gather a completely different perspective about Evan's fathers death. From Casey's blog, I got the impression that Evan's family liked to think of his father's life in a more positive light, but also understood the reality that Evan's father had flaws too. I thought about this balanced way of looking at a person who died and related it to my mothers death, and other friends and family who have died in recent years.  An insight that I have concluded from funerals and from gatherings where we speak about those who have recently died is that people like to speak highly or positively of the dead and it can be considered taboo to bring up things that might not be seen as flattering, even if they are the truth. For example, if I were speaking to my grandmother (mother's mother) about my mother, and mentioned that sometimes my mother could be stubborn, I think my grandmother might not speak to me for at least a week. Another thing that Casey's blog mentioned was that Evan's family didn't confront the actual death until the last months before it actually happened. I connected this denial to my own experience with my mother's fatal illness. Although we knew her illness was serious it was not until the doctors informed us that there were only a few weeks left that we began to lose hope.  In fact, it was only in the last weeks that I realized, "Oh shit, my mothers about to die". From Casey's blog I realized that the denial I experienced was similar and that it is common for people to avoid accepting the truth.  To accept death in its permanence and in the life changing consequences it invariably creates, is difficult for many people. I connected this tendency to avoid the truth to our book, Tuesdays with Morrie, where the dying protagonists, Morrie wanted to accept the death for what it was, and in this process, decided to have a "living funeral" because he felt that there was more importance to the words said in the ceremony if he were there.
 

The last blogpost that I read was John's, simply because I was interested in his perspectives on Beth's presentation. In Johns introduction to his blogpost, he stated that he agreed with Beth's perspectives on hospitals.  He also said that Beth would rather think positively about the dead, but he couldn't relate to the feeling of growing closer to somebody as they die. His comments about hospitals brought up very negative memories for me. He described Beths point of view of hospitals as a disconnection to the confrontation of death. John described a hospital as a place with, "a lifeless tone of white beds and sheets and walls." This reminded me of a brief period of my life where I spent almost every day in the hospital- florescent lights, that sour smell of illness, and the depressing feeling that washed over you as you enter a cancer patient's room. I then imagined Beth as a woman that might agree with more holistic ways of living, and, dying.  When John mentioned that he couldn't relate to the closeness of Erik's death, I realized that I could relate to that. When my mother was first diagnosed, I was really young. Memories of my mother before her illness are rare, cloudy, and disconnected, and it is so much easier for me to recall my last memories of her. People try to tell me that I should think of the "good times" instead of when she was sick, but I was too young to really remember those "times".  I respond to their naivete is to tell people that I knew and understood my mother best when she was sick. And I've grown to understand that there is nothing wrong with that nor even with her death.

Family perspectives on the ill

Most Americans deal with illness through allopathic remedies. If they have a headache, they take an aspirin. If they have a cold, they take advil (or if its night time, maybe nyquil). If they have a stomachache they take pepto bismol. For every illness, there is a pharmaceutical company marketing a remedy. A trip to any Duane Reade or Rite Aid might overwhelm you with all of the choices of over the counter medicines on sale. When that doesn't work? We got to the doctor in the hope that he or she will know what to do to get our bodies functioning normally again. 


My family has traditionally approached illness differently. Instead of relying on an allopathic approach, we have tended to take a more hollistic approach first. If we have a headache, we rub tiger balm on our heads.  Stomachache? Drink some tea. If I have a bloody nose, my father sticks tissue up my nose. When these remedies don't issues, and the problems become more serious, then we turn to Western medicine.
 
I interviewed my brother to get his take on how he felt about illness and dying. I started by telling him about my experiences with my 12th grade social studies class, "Normal is Weird". He kept on interrupting me to tell me about his love life, so I intervened. I briefly described our illness and dying unit, and asked him to define illness in his own words.  Joaquin smiled and said, "Illness is an imbalance of some sort. It comes in many forms and deals with a lack of equilibrium whether that may be a physical, psychological, emotional or spiritual imbalance." He then said that these imbalances must be addressed by individualized treatments specific to each cause or to occurrence. Because I agreed with Joaquin's definition, I thought I might have a bias. Since we grew up in the same household, I knew that we had similar beliefs circulating around our minds since we were children. 

To get a less biased definition of illness I looked up "illness" in the dictionary to compare the two definitions. On Websters dictionary, illness was described as "an unhealthy condition of body or mind". To me, this definition seems to reinforce dominant social practices related to the treatment of illness. We see illness as an unhealthy condition, then we probably see it as something that needs to be fixed or repaired. If we see illness as part of the body's effort to heal itself in reaction to trauma, fatigue, or injury, then we see it as a part of normal life, and not as something unusual.

My next question dealt with my brother's direct experiences with illness- "Have you ever seen somebody with an illness, or have you experienced one yourself?" He laughed again and said, " I currently have a cold, Nai." After laughing about his runny nose, his facial expression rearranged to a more stern look. "I have witnessed many different illnesses, like the ones I mentioned before." I then asked him how he reacted to the experiences of seeing someone he knew get sick. "The people who I have seen sick have caused me to reflect on myself. Its brought more awareness and insight to my own well being." He said that humans tend to empathize with the sick and "feel the pain", which is an important part of being human, from his perspective. He said that in one instance, he's cried for three months straight, and in others he's tried to help as best he could. 

Although we didn't talk about it in this conversation, I knew that my mothers illness and death from cancer had probably had a lot of influence on the way he formed his thoughts on illness. In my perspective, when you see somebody that is close to you become ill to the point of death, you no longer take health for granted (unless you were young like me). 

The last thing my brother said stuck with me"Its also one thing to witness a death, and another to witness one's illness, and watch that person overcome it. When you know someone can overcome it, you can rally with them and be apart of their fight, or it could be something you commit to less fully, be it your own illness. People often ignore their own illnesses. And sometimes they overcome it, sometimes not. Its important to check in with oneself."

Feast?

My family has gone through many changes over the past five years. I grew up accustomed to large thanksgivings, often times with so many people that I felt somewhat annoyed. Three years ago was the first Thanksgiving where I sensed the changes. My memory of this evening has blurred because of my disappointment. What I do remember is that there were about eight people at the table, all eating in silence, and there may have been some small talk. I was in the stage of cutting down on my meat eating, and a large, ugly turkey looked at me while I ate my food. My mothers spirit was gone, which added to the awkward sense I felt next to my soon to be step mother. Having been so young when my mother died, many memories of her have been blurred. But I can remember the Thanksgivings that would take place then, back in the day. My mom would mostly be in charge of the dishes, but each of us took part in cooking. One year I remember wanting to make a ginger bread house. My mom gave in to me, and when I realized that I hated the taste, I continued to eat it out of pride. The Thanksgiving during the year my mother was first diagnosed was difficult, but we had a great time. We all held hands and shared what we were thankful of that year. It got really emotional, largely because of my mothers presence.  I can remember speaking and laughing so hard that my grandmother came out of her room to smack me in the face. I got a bloody nose, cried, and then laughed about it later.

For many Americans, eating is an important social activity, but the very act of eating, and of consuming food, is often taken for granted. For example, we take for granted that when we eat organic material, (i.e. meat, fruit, vegetables) we are consuming life. Many Native Americans understood this and gave thanks to the spirits of the plants and animals that sustained their lives. This is even an issue that comes up in Avatar. The people of Pandora say a prayer even after they kill animals that were trying to hurt them because they understand that were all connected as living beings. You might think that at a holiday like Thanksgiving, we would not only give thanks for our loved ones, and for our material blessings, but also for the living foods that we consume. However, I don't think most people do. People sit around, stuffing themselves until they can't get up, maybe they watch some football or have a few drinks. The pilgrims and native Americans who mistakenly helped them, rarely come up as a topic of discussion.

Last year, my father and step mother broke our family tradition of having a large Thanksgiving dinner at our home. Instead, we went to my step mothers parents house in Virginia. While I didn't dislike my time there, I was struck by how different the celebration was there in comparison to what I had known. There were no words of thanks before we ate: no holding of hands in unity: we didn't even wait for everyone to get to the table and eat at the same time. It was pretty different. My step mom has an uncle named Ira with bipolar disease. I was fortunate to meet him while he was calm- not high, and not low. Last year Ira shared some of the songs that he had written and had us laughing with stories from my step mothers childhood. This year, he was down, and ate in silence.

I guess Thanksgiving is a difficult time for people with bipolar disorder and for vegetarians like me. Unless we really focus on what it means to give thanks and unless we slow down to chew our food, to think about where it comes from, and how it might affect our bodies, then Thanksgiving is just another day.

first thoughts

Almost five years ago, I had a very direct experience with illness and dying. My mother was diagnosed with Lymphoma, in the fall of 2004. She died a year and a half later after an unsuccessful battle with the cancer that gradually took control of her life. A tumor had first sprouted in her back, which was the source of the cancer, and it eventually spread. When my mom first started to feel the pain, she refused to go to the hospital, until my dad made her. She was in and out for nearly a month before we got the news that it was cancer. 

We had just moved to a brown stone in Washington Heights after a year of living in New York. I was in 6th grade and, in retrospect, I was socially confused. I had recently made friends with a large girl who bullied half of the school, and I became really caught up with my new social circle. My moms illness cut into the time I could spend with them. Instead of spending time teasing 8th graders or breaking the windows in the stairwell of my middle school, I'd visit my mother after school. I wasn't sure how I'd handle what was going on, so I separated myself from my family. I didn't begin taking the situation seriously until the first time my mom lost her hair after her first round of chemo. I had never known anyone with cancer before this, and I didn't know how her illness would affect her or me.

During that year and a half, there were many highs and lows related to my mothers sickness. We went through the highs of feeling as though she were getting better. At one point, we were even told that the cancer was in remission and that she would have stem cell transplant that would increase the possibility that the cancer would not return. However, just before the procedure, we learned that the cancer had actually spread and that my mother had a large tumor in her cervix. I think that the most unexpected aspect of my mothers illness is that it brought us closer together as a family. The evenings spent in the hospital, family meetings about my mothers treatments and ultimately, her death at home with all five of us surrounding all brought us closer together.

When I began writing this post, I kept on erasing the words that I would write, because I wanted to stray from writing about my mom. After thinking about what else I could write about, I figured it would be best to write about my mom because that is the most significant experience I've had with illness and dying. Because of the ways in which I was affected by my mothers death, I think that at times, I might grow uncomfortable with what we'll be studying, but I'm okay with that, because I know that its important to step out of comfort zones.

Final Food Project

My most recent projects have mostly been outside of school. Every Thursdays and Saturday mornings I attend a youth workshop at Added Value, an urban farm in Red Hook, Brooklyn. On Thursdays, we conduct workshops that involve youth empowerment by conducting workshops that have to deal with connecting the food justice movement to other issues such as the lack of love for a community such as Red Hook. Right beside Red Hook is Carroll Gardens, one of the nicest neighborhoods in Brooklyn, which is dominated by mostly Caucasians. Red Hook is slowly gentrifying, but the comparison between the two neighborhoods in terms of what should be in a good community is extreme.  In Red Hook, there are few supermarkets that supply fresh and healthy foods, so we look to Added Value as the change that we seek. 

The first time I went to Red Hook was last spring, on a Saturday morning during Added Values farmers market. The organization that I work with, the New York to New Orleans coalition, sold our t-shirts to buyers at the farmers market. I was taken on a tour of the urban farm by a high school student that had been working there for a long time. The next few times I went, we conducted workshops that had our students engaged. The first workshop we did was set up with at least 20 students. One student held onto a piece of string and said something that he/she thought that a good community needed. They would then pass the string to another person in the circle until everyone held onto a piece. Then at least three of us were told to drop our pieces to see what would come of the web that was created and the web flopped and appeared destroyed. This activity was supposed to symbolize what would happen to a community that did not have these aspects, like Red Hook. We then grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off a section of our web to hold onto what we made together (I made mine into a bracelet).

The next few times I attended Added Value, we went through a composting workshop where students were taught the process of turning, the worm bins, and so on. I think composting is vital when working on an urban farm because not only does it reuse old food that would have just gone to waste, but it also creates some of the most beautiful soil. I learned how to properly compost this summer, but doing the process in New York somehow seemed to resonate with me more.

I am currently working on making the green roof at School of the Future a productive site where students can learn, work, grow and eat. We've got at least 10 students on deck now, with our 'club name', The Green Thumbs Project. Some of our many ideas include: growing produce that we would be able to supply to our schools cafeteria, painting a new mural to make it more attractive (the revolution needs sex appeal), and growing and selling sprouts to make profit. The few students who are participating are becoming more committed, and the more people that we have involved, the more creative ideas that are circulating.

As for my food ways, which I have already described in previous assignments, I hardly ever buy outside food. I constantly make my own food, including lunch, which can be extremely expensive by my school. I also only carry a refillable water bottle as to not waste plastic. And, the only liquids that I drink are water and tea.

Food, Inc. Response

This past summer I went on a brigade to New Orleans where we conducted several workshops surrounding the idea of food justice. We tackled the lessons by first showing our participants either Food Inc., like we watched in class, or a a newer film called FRESH (http://www.freshthemovie.com/). When watching Food Inc. in class, our teacher constantly paused the film to ask us questions that would further our thinking, which I think helped my understanding of what was going on. My first viewing of Food Inc. had a large impact on me- it made me more concsious of my food intake, and eventually I became a vegetarian. But, some people's understanding of eating healthy isn't so strong, and I realized that I still ate at certain fast food restaurants (excluding McDonalds- I had banned it from my diet months before). My teacher assigned the book Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser to us not too long ago, and my initial reaction, before reading the book, was that I already knew everything I needed to know. After the first chapter, I realized that there was so much that I hadn't known about- and constantly writing blogs about what I had learned helped increase the amount that I understood. After watching Food Inc. for my first time, I paid attention to select pieces that stood out to me, but by demanding to know what I understood about the book, I got so much more out of Fast Food Nation than my first few viewings of Food Inc. When watching Food Inc. a second time, I tried to focus on every detail that I might have missed the first time, and I was able to gain so much more knowledge, but at the same time, try and critique the directors propaganda.

Reading Response Sunday!

Fast Food Nation written by Eric Schlosser.

Precis 

seven: cogs in the great machine.

"You can smell Greeley, Colorado, long before you can see it. The smell is hard to forget but not easy to describe, a combination of live animals, manure, and dead animals being rendered into dog food." Cogs in the Great Machine, chapter seven of Fast Food Nation begins by describing the factory town of Greeley. Schlosser illustrates the industrialization of the meatpacking by going into detail the common domino efects that the industries have on towns. The majority of the time when companies like IBP or ConAgra enter a town, problems such as crime, drugs  and poverty begin to rise higher than ever before. ConAgra, a large, major beef supplier, holds large feedlots where cattle are so often abused to the point of death. Cattle are supposed to eat grass, but today, unless they're 'grass fed cows', they eat other products like corn, grain, and as a result of this 'mad cow disease,' dead cow. These companies chose to feed the cows this because they've learned that the larger the cow, the larger the profit. The large amounts of excrement that the cows give off are then dumped into huge pits, and aren't treated like human poop. "The two Monfort feedlots outside Greeley produce more excrement than the cities of Denver, Boston, Atlanta and St.Louis- combined."

I began to wonder how exactly the town became this way. People might view this as development because of the effect this town and other meat packing towns have on large, major cities, but I viewed it with disgust. The following chapters told the history of Greeley- which started off pretty well. The city was founded by a man named Nathan Meeker, who's objective to creating the town was a utopian dream, meaning an idealistic way of life. Local farmers began by feeding the cows grass, but Warren Monfort realized that by feeding the cows grain, they'd save a lot more money, and make a lot more profit. When Monfort first opened his slaughterhouses, workers were treated with respect and the jobs at the slaughterhouse paid high wages. Today, companies target mostly immigrants, where one fourth of workers are undocumented.

eight: the most dangerous job

The title of the chapter along with the photo of a man, woman and a baby sitting on a couch make the word exploitation waves across my thoughts. Schlosser begins by taking me on a tour through the largest slaughterhouse in the United States, in the High Plains, wherever that is. Large slabs of meat are all over the house, and the images of thousands of cattle entering the slaughterhouse, and exiting in a cardboard package fill my head. There is literally one tiny window throughout the entire building. Workers have to wear metal on their bodies for protection from the knives, but reviewing the amount of recorded injuries, the steel obviously doesn't do much. Hundreds of the workers are pressed together, so its easy for one worker to hurt the other. What made me the angriest during the reading is when I read about the sexual harassment toward the females that occurs often in the slaughterhouse.

Gems

"Some machines assemble cardboard boxes, others vacuum-seal subprimals of beef in clear plastic."

"Carcasses swing so fast along the rail that you have to keep an eye on them constantly, dodge them, watch your step, or one will slam you and throw you onto the bloody concrete floor."

"Now the cattle suspended above me look just like the cattle I've seen on ranchers  

Thoughts

Having seen films and photos that go into this are of study deeply, I felt as though I was already educated enough on this topic. But reading this book is a completely different experience than watching a film and taking down notes. One thing that shocked me, because I hadn't heard it before, because it hadn't been spoken about was the sexual harassment. It made me so angry to find out that managers of certain slaughterhouses sexually harassed some of their female workers. I think that films like FRESH and Food Inc. need to address this sexual harassment.

Growing my own food

Our class was given an assignment to bring a glass jar and cheese cloth to school. When we got to school, our teacher placed seeds inside of the jars, and gave us instructions to rinse the jar with water twice a day, and to ensure that no water was left inside. I was confused when I saw the assignment, and thought that my teacher was crazy because I thought that plants only grow if they receive proper nutrients from soil... but I was mistaken! I slowly saw my sprouts growing- first with little tails on the end of their seeds. The growth made me so happy! Smelling the jar reminded me of working in the sprout houses in New Orleans- one named Monkey and one named Havana. Once they were mature enough to begin to eat, I shared with a couple of people and ate them myself. On the day we were allowed to bring them home, however, I went to a Ratatat concert, and rinsed my sprouts quickly before I left. I'm guessing that I left some water in the jar, because sadly, when I returned home on Saturday, my sprouts appeared dead. I couldn't believe what had happened to them- they even smelled bad! I tried to salvage them by placing them individually on a paper towel outside in my backyard, but it was no use, the wind blew them away, and my father threw them out.

Because of their death, I wasn't able to take photos of them. R.I.P. sprouts.

Reading Response Wednesday!

 Fast Food Nation written by Eric Schlosser.

Precis

four: 'Success'

Schlosser's 'Fast Food Nation' chapter on 'Success' narrows in on a franchiser named David Feamster who runs four of the pizza chains for the parent company, 'Little Caesars' in Detroit. Feamster struggles a lot between his own morals and the parent company's expectations and guidelines. Franchisees are expected to run a business while working for the 'top guy' or the top corporation. There is no guarantee that franchisees can succeed, especially when a chain like Little Caesars is now competing with Papa Johns and other pizza places like Dominoes. General Motors adopted the idea of a franchiser to expand new stores for companies while providing jobs for other people, like Feamster. Ray Kroc, of McDonald's, tested his own franchisees because he wanted them to understand that being a franchisee meant that you had to be fully devoted and committed to the job. Franchisees' restaurants can often go out of business, especially when a new franchiser opens up next door. An example of this would be when Richard and 'Mac' McDonald sold McDonald's to Ray Kroc, but made a deal to continue to own the first McDonald's, which they renamed, 'The Big M'. Soon after, Kroc opened up a brand new McDonald's across the street from 'The Big M' and ran them out of business.

five: 'Why the fries taste good'

This chapter explores the flavors of food both in fast food restaurants and in foods that people eat every single day. It begins with telling the story of J.R. Simplot, who started out as a potato farmer, and went on to grow and process corn, avocados, cattle, and more.  At first, he began by dehydrating onions for the U.S. army during World War II, which he said looked like "gold dust." While he sold this "gold dust," he used the money to buy his potato farms. He later invested in frozen foods, which were popular in the 50's, especially since large numbers of refrigeraters and freezers were being sold then. Simplot began selling his frozen french fries to McDonald's, which noted that their customers didn't taste a difference between the fries they had before and their new frozen ones. Today the farming industry is extremely competetive and, according to Bert Moulton, a staff member of the Potato Growers of Idaho, "If potato farmers don't band together, they'll wind up sharecroppers."

Schlosser also took a visit to International Flavors & Fragrances, the world's largest flavor company, located in New Jersey. He describes how the only difference between artificial and natural flavoring is the method by which the flavor is produced. This often leads to people's confusion about "natural flavors" being healthier for their bodies. Flavorists are scientists that are efficient in tasting and their work is based on imitating scents and flavors to smell like the actual food substance.

six: 'On the range'

In conveying to the reader what goes on, 'on the range', Schlosser begins chapter six, with telling the story of Hank, a local rancher in the farm and of Colorado Springs.  When the reader reaches Hank's land a tour is given. Hank raises free range cattle and attempts to create a better relationship between environmentalists and ranchers. The production and growth of the city of Colorado Springs has led to damages on the lands of local farmers such as Hank. The city has led storm runoff into Fountain Creek, where Hank's cattle live, destroying the creek beds that used to flourish with life: "As more pavement covered land within the city limits, more water flowed straight into Fountain Creek instead of being absorbed into the ground."

The value that people held for ranchers has lowered over the years. People used to look up to ranchers and cowboys as idols, and now, it appears that was just a past dream. The variety of providers of meatpacking firms has also lowered, as smaller branches such as ConAgra, IBP, national Beef and Excel have grown into the main top four firms. Ranchers have increasingly been forced to sell their meat for lower prices, since it has become such a competeitve field. Many ranchers believe that raising cattle is on its way to being at the same level as the poultry carriers. Poultry carriers have no say in how the chickens are cared for, they have to abide by rules from companies such as Tyson. "Like most of the other leading processors, Tyson supplies its growers with one day old chicks. Between the day they are born and the day they are killed, the birds spend their entire lives on the growers property. But they belong to Tyson." Ranchers and poultry carriers have also grown to realize that by making their animals fatter by feeding them food that does not consist in their diet, they can make a lot more money.

Gems:

"McDonald's began to sell J.R. Simplot's frozen fries the following year. Customers didn't notice any difference in taste. And the reduced cost of using a frozen product made french fries one of the most profitable items on the menu- far more profitable than hamburgers. Simplot quickly became the main supplier for french fries to McDonald's. At the time, McDonald's had about 725 restaurants in the United States. Within a decade, it had more than 3,000."

"Out of every $1.50 spent on large orders of fries at a fast food restaurant, perhaps 2 cents goes to the farmer who grew the potatoes."

"About 90% of the money that Americans spend on food is used to buy processed food"

"The act of drinking, sucking, or chewing a substance releases its volatile gases. They flow out of the mouth and up the nostrils, or up the passageway in the back of the mouth, to a thin layer of nerve cells called the olfactory epithelium, located at the base of the nose, right between the eyes. The brain combines the complex smell signals from the epithelium with the simple taste signals from the tongue, assigns a flavor to what's in your mouth, and decides if it's something you want to eat."

"A person's food preferences, like his or her personality, are formed during the first few years of life, through a process of socialization. Toddlers can learn to enjoy hot and spicy food, bland health food, or fast food, depending upon what the people around them eat. The human sense of smell is still not fully understood and can be greatly affected by psychological factors and expectations... Childhood memories of Happy Meals can translate into frequent adult visits to McDonald's, like those chain 'heavy users,' the customers who eat there four or five times a week."

Thoughts and Questions:

Something I found interesting was the connection between an 'hourglass' and America's agricultural economy. "At the top there are about 2 million ranchers and farmers; at the bottom there are 275 million consumers; and at the narrow portion in the middle, there are a dozen or so multinational corporations earning a profit from every transaction." I thought that the connection was completely valid in showing how people don't benefit off of these food ways. Ranchers don't gain much profit anymore, and people eating this food become more and more unhealthy, while the workers don't get treated right nor do they get paid well.I also thought that it showed how much people aren't aware of these issues, because, maybe, if they were, they'd actually want to do something about it.

Reading Response Monday!

Fast Food Nation written by Eric Schlosser.

Precis

intro:

Schlosser's book begins by showing the parallels between the fast food industry and The Cheyenne Mountain Air Force Station.  He describes how fast food has taken over many aspects of America's popular culture and goes on to describe how what people consume can often mirror their society. Most Americans have grown accustomed to consuming fast food on a daily basis.  Hamburgers, donuts, pizza and the other common foods produced by fast food outlets are such a normal part of life in American society that most people don't think twice about it.

The growth of the fast food industry has become an enormous part of the US economy over the past few decades.  The large corporations behind this industry - McDonald's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, etc. have become powerful and extremely wealthy.  They learned over time that by targeting children as consumers, they could gain a great deal of profit. The Mcdonald's corporation also created a strategy that many other industries have followed: using factory-styled production techniques so that labor is controlled and intimidated inside of the kitchens. Increasingly, the production of fast food is more like the production of cars and sneakers than the food food families typically cook in their kitchens.

one: 'The Founding Fathers'

Schlosser describes the early history of fast foods in telling story of one of the founders, Carl N. Karcher. Karcher grew up working on a farm in the midwest. He later moved to southern California where he thought he might be more successful. His family were firm believers in the 'American dream' and he grew up believing that 'the harder you work, the luckier you become.' His businesses started out with just one hot dog stand and he later purchased more hot dog stands that his wife helped out with. As cars began to become a lot more popular in southern California, fast food restaurants developed  Drive In's to make it even easier for a person to buy food. Schlosser describes how the different restaurant chains later adopted the 'speedee service' which was meant to quicken the service as well as increase the profits. Fast Food corporations later learned that locations were just as important as the quality of food, and therefore began to open new restaurants in areas such as high ways and strip malls.

two: 'Your trusted friends'

Schlosser also explores the history of McDonald's and the Walt Disney Company- and how the two developed and merged throughout history. Although McDonald's was founded by Richard and 'Mac' McDonald, Ray Kroc took the company over. Ray Kroc was an ambitious man who spread the idea of the Speedee Service System nationwide. Like Carl N. Karcher and many others, including Disney, Kroc also believed in the idea of the 'American Dream'. Disney started out by employing low skilled workers with a cheap pay and used the same factory style labor when it came to the drawings depicted for the Disney characters. Disney treated his workers unfairly and a union was created to address the bad working conditions. At the end of the strike, Disney agreed to the demands of the strikers but stated, 'it's the law of the universe that the strong shall survive and the weak must fall by the way, and I don't give a damn what idealistic plan is cooked up, nothing can change that.' Following Disney's lead the McDonald's Corporation saw their ideal customer as children. They realized that when they target kids as customers, the kids bring parents, and the parents bring in the money. Like Disney, they realized that to target children, they should get a mascot, and produce toys for the children in their meals. A series of mascots were toyed with until finally they came upon the clown, Ronald McDonald.  Like Disney's mascot, Mickey Mouse, Ronald McDonald became the friendly face that appealed to children.  The McDonald's corporation also began to build playlands in the restaurants storefronts to attract the families and make it seem as though McDonald's was a 'trusted friend' that makes families happier and makes lives easier.

three: 'Behind the Counter'

Schlosser describes many places that have become similar to Colorado Springs, a city where local stores once stood and now many fast food restaurants and other chains have taken their places. Simple things such as a store like 'Gap' took their model of selling clothes like chains sell their foods. Schlosser describes the life of a teenage girl who works at a McDonald's from opening to mid day shifts every single day. Many teenagers like this are often at risk of failure in school, or close to drop out. They often begin there jobs to help out at home, or to pay for other essentials. Most of the fast food chains have adopted ways of cooking in the kitchen that require no skill- for example, at Taco Bell, the description of the recipe is to 'just add hot water' for every food type. Restaurants such as McDonald's and Burger King are working on lowering the expenses of employees so that the people who work at these jobs don't need any skill at all. The conditions in the workforce of these restaurants are usually not good. Unions have been created, but defeated, and therefore people often get into a repeated cycle of quitting once they've had enough of a job. Studies have shown that robberies in fast food companies are often robbed by previous or former staff.  

Gems:

"Americans now spend more money on fast food than on high education, personal computers, computer software, or new cars. They spend more on fast food than on movies, books, magazines, newspapers, videos, and recorded music- combined."

"Farmers and cattle ranchers are losing their independence, essentially becoming hired hands for the agribusiness giants or being forced off the land. family farms are now being replaced by gigantic corporate farms with absentee owners."

"The U.S. now has more prison inmates than full time farmers"

"The new division of labor meant that a worker only had to be taught how to perform one task. Skilled and expensive short order cooks were no longer necessary."

"They employed only young men, convinced that female workers would attract teenage boys to the restaurant and drive away other customers. Families soon lined up to eat at McDonald's"

"Studies conducted by Jerald Greenberg, a professor of management at the University of Ohio and an expert on workplace crime, have found that when people are treated with dignity and respect, they're less likely to steal from their employer. 'it may be common sense,' Greenberg says, 'but it's obviously not common practice.'"

Thoughts and Questions:

One thing I found really interesting was when the McDonald's restaurant employed only young men to attract families instead of teenagers. Now everybody is familiar with a McDonald's restaurant, so it doesn't matter who works there- and their typically at the bottom of the chain- teenagers, old people and immigrants.

I think that this first thought about employing only men was one of the many attributes to fast foods that helped reel in families and children and now they continue to reel some people in(ads, commercials...) but a lot of people are already hooked. I feel like this book just makes me begin to think of people as lambs, and whatever is popular and accessible is what people go to. I feel like nobody is really an individual anymore, and this makes me angry.

Another thing I started to think about was how to try and avoid shopping at places like McDonald's, the Gap, and such chain stores. I haven't eaten at a McDonald's or fast food place in a long time, but I think I really need to be a conscious consumer- because purchasing clothes from a store like H & M is probably very similar to purchasing food at a fast food restaurant. I want to do some research on clothing stores, food stores, and other places so that I could be a conscious consumer.

Food Diary

Breakfast! (29th and 30th)

I usually don't eat breakfast, but my fathers been worried about my health, so I've been eating pretty much the same breakfast every morning- either an apple or yogurt. I really enjoy eating yogurt because after eating it, I feel satisfied and not full, and I'm tired of eating apples. Plus I get really angry and feel like I contradict myself when I eat an apple that has a sticker that says 'Product of Chile" or 'Product of Maine'. So I've been choosing to eat yogurt. The yogurt is really delicious and with the mixture of 'all natural' granola and a teaspoon of honey, it tastes great. ALSO! In between breakfast and lunch for the past few weeks I've been eating almonds and yellow grapes (2 handfuls of each)

Lunch! (29th and 30th)

I made my lunch out of everything that sounded yummy in my fridge. My dad thought it was weird that I put jelly in my sandwich- two days in row, but I really liked the combination. It gave a sweetness to my sandwich that I enjoyed. So the ingredients in the sandwich were guest-star blackberry jelly, pesto, sun dried tomato and garlic humus, cheese, and sun dries tomato spread. Here are the ingredients:

Dinner (29th)

My phone died during this dinner, so I wasn't able to take a photo, but my family and I ate dinner at this Mexican restaurant called 'El hecho' or something like that on Bowery street for my brothers birthday. I ate some weird tasting mushroom burrito, and didn't enjoy it that much, so I put extra salsa on it to spice it up. I don't think it was real Mexican food. I've never heard of any mushroom burrito.

Dinner (30th)

I wasn't planning on eating any dinner tonight, but after SAT tutoring, I walked into my dads office and he had left half of a sandwich, so I ate it. It had portobello mushrooms, tomato, lettuce, and marinara sauce. The only thing I didn't enjoy about the sandwich was that it was made with potato bread (yuck!)

Overall thoughts:

I think that in the past few days I've eaten pretty healthy. I think that I've begun to eat more like this not only to be healthy, but to feel good physically- and mentally. When I used to eat meat, I would feel drained, tired and sick so often, but now I feel a lot more energized and awake. This could also be as a result of drinking a lot more water, but either way, I feel a lot better. In history class, the teacher questioned us 'how might you know that buying food from green markets is healthier than fast food'. Some students answered that it was because our 'dominant discourses' told us that they were. I think it's because I've felt the difference. My body and mind has literally felt the difference between post- fast food and post- 'healthy' food. While we thought about how to answer the question in class, my teacher played a song with the chorus: 'All i know is that I know nothing'. I think that this is significant because its important to understand that there's always more room for acquiring knowledge.

Side note: I realized there was a clear sticker on my phone camera that was making all of those photos turn out blurry.

Dominant DIscourses regarding Contemporary foodways in the U.S.

There are growing concerns about the way food is produced in America and the diets of many American's. According to the New York Times, as many as 1/3 of all Americans are obese and obesity is now the number one health challenge facing children throughout the United States. Even in NY City a recent article in the NY Times reported that 22% of all New Yorkers are obese.  In many communities, especially poor communities of color, diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure are pervasive and contributing to shorter lives and disability.  Communities like East Harlem and Chinatown have some of the highest diabetes rates in the nation.

As a result of these problems, the dominant discourses about food are gradually changing. Instead of food being promoted largely as a source of pleasure, more and more articles and advertisements are warning the public about the health dangers associated with poor nutrition. An example of a story warning the public about health dangers associated with poor nutrition appeared on CNN on Bill Clinton's health. His doctors had told him that he had arterial blockage and has since only eaten vegan friendly foods, which has resulted to him losing 24 pounds. 

This is how we get down.

Tonight's Dinner:

• kale
• brown rice
• cauliflower
• salad
• fish (caught yesterday by our dinner guests)

Photo taken by my phone (apologies for the bad quality).

My dad has recently gotten married with my step mother- Allyson. Personally, I've seen the changes in the foods that we used to eat and the food that we eat today. As a result of their relationship, my father has lost some weight, and we've all begun to eat a lot healthier. One example is the rice that we eat. My family used to mostly eat white or yellow rice. Delicious as it is, it was difficult for me to adjust to only eating brown rice, which is what we do now. In addition, we generally only buy organic fruits and vegetables and eat much less meat than ever before(my father's the only meat eater now). We also hardly ever have junk food in our cabinets like we used to.

My father's parents are Caribbean immigrants, so he did not grow up eating typical American food.  For example, while other kids were eating Wonder bread, his mother would only buy whole wheat. She never took them to places like Mcdonald's or Burger King, never bought soda and always insisted that they had vegetables with every meal. This is probably the reason why my father likes to cook and eat at home, because he grew up eating that way.

My mother was born in Lima, Peru and was raised eating the rich variety of foods that are made in that South American nation. Her grandmother raised chickens and she grew up eating food produced on there farm. When we were small, my mother insisted that we only eat food that we made rather than baby food purchased in the store. This is probably the reason why I grew up enjoying vegetables- since my mother forced me to eat them from the time my teeth came in. Although my mother believed in eating natural foods, she also enjoyed spicy foods from Peru.

Given that eating healthy has been passed down throughout my family, I don't find it difficult to understand why I eat the way I do. I've become vegetarian this past summer due to learning about the way food and especially meat is processed. It's all about food justice, baby.

Fast Food Insights and Green Market Realizations

Our first stop was at Wendy's, the fast food restaurant. We went in a large group and sat down. Some students seemed confused as to what exactly they were doing there and some began observing and taking notes as soon as we got in. A woman next to me was interested in what school we all went to, and we got into a discussion about the food she was eating. "How are you enjoying your lunch?" I asked. She responded by smiling and saying that her chilli was delicious. We got into further discussion on why exactly she was eating at Wendy's as opposed to other restaurants or cooking. She said that Wendy's was so close to her job that it was just so easy. She also said that cooking would be cheaper, but with cooking comes cleaning, and so eating out was just so much more convenient. She also said that the quality of the food at Wendy's on 14th street was better than the quality of the food at Wendy's on 125th street. This brought me to think about ideas of accessibility and convenience- especially when we headed two blocks over to the local farmers market.

Stepping into the somewhat chaotic market, we completely lost track of each other, and so made a plan to return to the school at the same time, but on our own. Having experience observing food and where it comes from as a result of my time spent working on an urban farm in the lower ninth ward, New Orleans, I decided to observe what was going on in the farmers market more generally rather than speaking to individual vendors. I was struck by how crowded and bustling this farmers market was. I began to reflect on my experiences with the Sunday's farmers market at Our School at Blair Grocery(OSBG) in New Orleans. In Union Square, people were lined up to buy food at each of stands. Back in the lower ninth ward however, we were lucky if we got more than 10 customers on any given Sunday.

I thought about the racial make up of the customers who shopped at the Union Square and OSBG farmers markets compared to the customers who ate at Wendy's. One thing that the two farmers markets had in common was that most of the customers purchasing food were white, whereas most of the customers purchasing food at Wendy's were people of color, and then I reflected on why that was.

Some things that I look at when I purchase food is health, cost and deliciousness. So I haven't bought food from a fast food restaurant like Wendy's in a really long time, and I refuse to support them. But at the same time, it can be too costly to buy food from farmers markets all the time, but its what I prefer.

Homework # 2 for Normal is Weird

Each paragraph I wrote focused on three different aspects I found important.

Ideas of Food:

When the word food shows up and into my mind, different words and ideas spring up along with it as if each word has consequence. I begin to think about the ideas of accessibility and convenience. Then ideas about health come up. I think about how the rates of children of color with diabetes are increasing every year. And then I think about communities. I think about my neighborhood, in Washington Heights, and then I think about a friend’s neighborhood, on the ‘upper west side’. And then I think about a neighborhood like the Lower ninth ward- which has only four available food related businesses- a taco cart, Cajun Joes (seafood take out), Magnolia (Bodega), and a Save A lot (supermarket). So, excuse my language, but when I think about the word food, a lot of fucked up issues come into place.

Food Priorities:

As I become a more conscious consumer, I begin to question the food that I used to enjoy eating. Which explains why I no longer eat meat… But at the same time, eating healthy can be expensive! So when I have money, I tend to look for food that’s cheap, but on the healthier side of the spectrum. I also make my own lunches everyday now, so I’m able to eat healthy and not pay at all.

Home:

I used to live with six people in my house, and now its just three of us: My dad, step mom and I. Now that its less of us, I take care of myself more often than I did before. Since my dad works a lot, I like to cook for him so that he can relax when he gets home, even though my dad LOVES to cook. Whenever I cook, I have to cook what’s in the fridge, because I don’t have money to go to the store. So I often cook pasta or rice and beans, or stir fried vegetables. We never buy take out food services. The few times that I have, my dad gets really angry with me. Plus, it’s a waste of my money. My family often eats together, and we always give thanks before every meal. And the cleaning rules that are put in place is that if you didn’t cook, you clean- so washing dishes is always my job.