#27 comments

 Thinking/Writing groups

For Eloise:
"Eloise,

I believe that your writing is in many ways informative. Your post had a lot of information from both Ryan's and Bill's interview that I forgot to add which shows me that you were able to listen well and jot down the notes at the same time- which is great! (I'm not so good at multi-tasking)

I also noticed that your writing is extremely straight forward which is good- it gets to the point.

I think that my favorite lines were when you explained WHY something was the way it was. It showed that the interviewer gave off one of their "bubbles" and you expanded off of them into real, thoughtful, thinking, which is great. I think that was my favorite line:

'This symbolized for me the ultimate women’s empowerment her being the center of attention because of her struggle in her most animal form naively being, not restricted by the pressures of society, with as many people as she desired supporting her.'

I thought it was powerful, thought- provoking and insightful.

Although your writing was informative, I found it overwhelming to read simply because there was a lack of space within the actual format. I find that when you space out your writing into more paragraphs grouped together, its much easier to read and flows much better."


For Devin:
 "Devin,

Your narrative flowed very beautifully together. You were able to tie pieces that hadn't seemed connected and wove them nicely into the story.

I also appreciated the way you brought emotional factors into your writing. In particular, my favorite piece was:

"She and my mother would take turns lunch with one another, and even though they live next door it was hard to get past all the piles of snow and ice. She felt like a prisoner especially knowing that it was summer in Brazil."

I too would like to know why you think its better for women to have children at a (to me, considered) later age- 30. To improve your writing, I think you could develop the depths of your perspective- how you feel about certain "norms" of child birth."


From Eloise:


From Devin:
"You interviewed three different young women, and it's interesting that they all have different views about having a baby. I think the most powerful line is this one from Beinda:"I want to have kids because I feel like it’s a struggle that I have to face that will make me stronger. Every woman in my family has been an independent mother, and I feel like I will too. Its not what I want, its just a pattern I've noticed." This response sounds so depressing to me. You said that using the term "independent" parent instead of "single" parent might indicate a "more empowered sense of the possiblities of single parenthood." I think that raising a child is a two - person job and that having two parents usually makes life easier. The fact that Belinda calls having kids a struggle she has to face and that she thinks she will probably have to do alone because that seems to be the way it happens in her family is too bad. It sounds fatalistic, and I hope she'll be the one to break the one - parent cycle. You said yourself that you wished you had prepared some different questions. I think it might have been interesting if you had asked them about what they wanted to do with their lives before having children."



Mentor/Protege

From Joaquin:
"I appreciate the experiences shared through the stories that you present. Birthing a child truly is an incredible event and witnessing a birth is, literally, life-changing, for many. Like death, everyone will have a taste of birth, even if they don't remember it. It is one of the mysteries of life and another example of our powers, of the magic, we human possess.

I appreciated the first story and the stories Bill told most in your writing. The perspective of a woman that has had 3 children is invaluable, especially considering how much she was willing to share. Bill sounds like an entertaining character and being present for his story was spellbinding, I'm sure. You're so good at presenting the characters of your writing/interviews in a way that allows the reader to feel like they met the person. This, as I've said before, is a treat for any reader because it is clear, descriptive, and allows for a vivid image of the scene in the reader's imagination.

My suggestions would be to include a link to the movie you referenced (even if it's only for the trailer because the movie is on topic and interesting), don't assume the reader knows all of the terms you use (like dulla), so explain in your writing what it is, and always reread your work before you consider it complete.

Thanks bebe. Nice work. Love you.

Joaquin "


From Emma:
"Naima,
Once again, I think this post illustrates how well you are able to articulate and express yourself. Your personality and voice really shines through your writing. I loved all of the interviews, but I think Bill's story was particularly powerful and the way you described him really created a clear image. I like the line, "With raised eyebrows, the participants questioned his 'loneliness' in the birth, considering his wife pushed the baby out" because it really conveys the different perspectives regarding birth and how Bill's perspective is truly unique.
Overall, your piece got me to really think about how I want to have my own birth. I've always thought I wanted a natural birth, but I'm also such a big baby when it comes to pain. However, your piece helped me realize that natural births are really the best way of connecting to your child and having a meaningful and beautiful birth."